Category: politics

Following FCC Vote, Ajit Pai and Bobby Jindal Hit The Town With Chai Tea Lattes

WASHINGTON D.C – Following Thursday’s vote to repeal net neutrality laws in the US, FCC chairman Ajit Pai is set for celebration. Continue reading “Following FCC Vote, Ajit Pai and Bobby Jindal Hit The Town With Chai Tea Lattes”

Ajit Pai Tackles Net Neutrality To Prove He Didn’t Peak In Middle School

WASHINGTON D.C – FCC Chairman Ajit Pai, who in less than 10 days will push for the removal of net neutrality consumer protections, has dominated the headlines to the displeasure of everybody. Continue reading “Ajit Pai Tackles Net Neutrality To Prove He Didn’t Peak In Middle School”

Trump Appoints Sholay’s Gabbar Singh As U.S. Secretary of Defense

[Originally published in Brown Girl Magazine]

WASHINGTON D.C – As tensions with North Korea and the United States continue to rise, President Trump has taken it upon himself rearrange U.S. Department of Defense by firing yet another cabinet member, General James Mattis. Continue reading “Trump Appoints Sholay’s Gabbar Singh As U.S. Secretary of Defense”

Desi Auntie Approval Association (DAAA) Approval Rating Hits All Time Low

Written by Rani Shah

June 15th, 2017

auntie villain

SUBURBIA, USA – “You looked better with long hair betaaaa,” cooed the various aunties circled around 25-year-old Sanjana Soni, “And so thin! My oh my, are you eating nowadays? This is too thin!”

“I love my hair short,” nervously laughed Ms. Soni, “Fits my personality better, plus my neck doesn’t get all sweaty!”

The auntie mob clicked their tongues and nodded their heads in disapproval, it was wedding season and they were concerned with how short hair will look while wearing a sari or legenga choli – outfits that Ms. Soni wore twice a year.

With occurrences like this happening at a shocking rate of twice per family party and/or wedding, the board of the Desi Auntie Approval Association (DAAA) has been scrambling to maintain their image.

“Back in the 90’s we were known to keep the peace and only judge when young girls weren’t feminine enough,” explains DAAA President, Sunita Auntie,  “But the aunties of this generation are a hitting it where it hurts, we’re talking fat shaming, skinny shaming, career shaming, haircut shaming, the list is never ending!”

“Just last week we had to reprimand a member for judging a guest at a wedding for pursuing graphic design and not dentistry – we’re afraid this behavior will sink the DAAA’s approval rating and will result in a funding cut.” says DAAA VP, Jyoti Auntie.

The DAAA’s funding source is primarily Zee TV and Kellyanne Conway’s personal bank account.

As the auntie mob surrounding Ms. Soni continued, she quickly checked into her flight, made sure it was indeed a one-way ticket, and tucked her short hair behind her ear.

 

 

Kantaben Scores Higher On US Citizenship Exam Than President Donald Trump

WASHINGTON D.C – Recent interview with the Washington Examiner’s Salena Zito reveals that President Donald Trump does not quite know why the United States Civil War occurred. Continue reading “Kantaben Scores Higher On US Citizenship Exam Than President Donald Trump”

Angry South Asian Fathers Find Inspiration From White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer

Written by Rani Shah

April 4th, 2017

WASHINGTON D.C – White House press secretary, Sean Spicer, is known for his impassioned, rude, and often baseless statements regarding domestic and international politics.

Americans everywhere generally regard Spicer as a hot head and oftentimes describe his rebuttals as ‘toddler like’. One group of Americans, however, seem to find an uncanny resemblance to Spicer’s methods of conflict to that of their fathers.

Indian-Americans, Radhika Shah and Prashant Suresh reached out to Fuss Class News to share their experience.

“At first when I noticed Spicer talking up there and giving random, illogical rebuttals to the journalists I was like, ‘Whoa, where I have I experienced this before?'”, remarked Ms. Shah

“I agree with Radhika”, quipped Mr. Suresh, “There was an almost eerie connection I felt with Spicer’s yelling and refusal to listen to basic reasoning.”

Ms. Shah added, “I only realized after I got in trouble with my dad for not waking up before 8 a.m while I was on vacation that this style of seething anger and erratic yelling is what I’m used to. One time I wore open toed shoes in winter and my dad got so angry that he said my attempts at medical school were futile because I lack common sense.”

Mr. Suresh chuckled at Ms. Shah’s comments, “Oh I know what you mean Radhika. Remember when Spicer yelled at a reporter for nodding her head? One time I did that and got slapped twice!”

Upon asking what his relationship with his father is currently like, Mr. Suresh had this to say, “I only talk to him about money and career. Never anything emotional, or impactful, or inspirational, or anything other than business talk. It’s better for us all this way. I love my dad.”