Category: family

Letters To My Mummi (No.1): Shaadi

Dear Maa,

Listen, I’ve eaten your rotis, even when the daal had just a touch too much salt. I’ve taken your thappads and obediently did math problems while all my other friends played outside in the summers. What I’m trying to say is that most of my life I’ve been your good beta. Continue reading “Letters To My Mummi (No.1): Shaadi”

Roommate Unable To Function Without Mom

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Moving into their new Bay Area apartment this past year, 25-year-old’s Amar Joshi, Shaan Tiwari, and Vishal Pathak, were ready to buy some furniture and create a temporary home for themselves.

Continue reading “Roommate Unable To Function Without Mom”

Community Mobilizes to Save High School Freshman Interested in Gender Studies BA

ATLANTA – Hundreds from Atlanta’s South Asian community assembled at Drs. Hemant and Suresha Reddy’s Buckhead home this Saturday to join a surprise intervention on behalf of the couple’s son, Kishore Reddy.
Continue reading “Community Mobilizes to Save High School Freshman Interested in Gender Studies BA”

Friend Pumped About “happy wife is happy life” Wedding Speech

CHICAGO, IL – As the marriage ceremonies of Anand and Heta Sharma took place this last weekend, families and friends prepared for a speech and dance-filled wedding reception. Continue reading “Friend Pumped About “happy wife is happy life” Wedding Speech”

Studies Show White People Will Never Be Able To Stop Talking About How Colorful Indian Weddings Are.

Written by Rani Shah

October 16th, 2017

 

NEW YORK CITY, NY – As wedding season comes to a close, Brians and Madisons everywhere are floored by the spectacle that is a traditional Indian wedding.

NYU’s Anthropology Dean, Smita Rao, explains this phenomenon, “In the early 90’s we definitely saw a surge of White Americans attending South Asian weddings. Now with the prevalence of social media and the Bollywood dance craze exposing more of Indian culture, it’s like white people have never seen colors in their life before.”

While 4-5 days of wedding events and guest lists averaging at 400 guests/event at South Asian weddings is staggering in itself, researchers claim that merely seeing a man with glitter on his outfit will get white people going for months.

“I’ve never seen anything like it. The colors. I mean everyone was wearing a different color. I saw pink. I saw blue. I saw parrot green. I didn’t even know these existed.” raved Brian Applebaum, “I was medically diagnosed as colorblind before attending Aakash’s wedding to be quite honest.”

“I wear a tan cardigan to work every day,” added Madison Applebaum, “After Aakash’s color bender I’m considering wearing something exotic instead – perhaps a polka dotted cardigan.”

[ReadWhite Man Tries To Relate To South Asian Coworker By Mentioning Chicken Tikka Masala]

Grown Woman Nervous To Order ‘Sex on the Beach’ During Family Dinner

LAS VEGAS, NV – The waiter had finished naming off the Chef’s Specials and asked the table if they needed a few minutes before beginning their drink order. Continue reading “Grown Woman Nervous To Order ‘Sex on the Beach’ During Family Dinner”

Tensions Rise As Patio Door Is Left Open While The A/C Is On

ARLINGTON, VA – With temperatures reaching among the high 80s and 90s this summer, families everywhere are turning to their A/C to keep things comfy.

As summer break hums along, neighborhood children find themselves going between local parks and their homes multiple times per day – the constant opening and closing of doors has caused some disturbance in nearby homes.

“It’s like dad has a sixth sense,” explains 11-year-old Raghu Kumar, “I’ll open the patio door for 2 seconds and he’ll come out of NOWHERE and demand that I close the door immediately because ‘the A/C is on’.”

Raghu’s brother, 15-year-old Tejas Kumar agrees, “It’s always been like this, just last week I was watching TV and Dad heard a door close in the show I was watching. He started yelling from upstairs about how I need to close the patio door right away.”

Both sons claim that family car rides have also felt the effects of the A/C syndrome – Tejas opened the window to ask for directions and was allegedly smacked in the back of the head because ‘the A/C is on’.

Upon looking at the Kumar’s thermostat, the home is set to a balmy 76 degrees F.

Written by Rani Shah

July 6th, 2017

[Read: Mom Continues To Yell During International Calls Despite 20 Years Of Technological Advancements]