Tag: aunty

Ekta Kapoor Confesses Bindi Size Directly Correlates To Characters’ Evilness in Indian Serial Roles

MUMBAI, IN – Ekta Kapoor and other popular Indian serial producers have found success in using the tried and true technique of outfitting the evilest aunty characters in their shows with the largest bindis. Characters such as Komolika in Kasauti Zindagi Kay are assigned the most extravagant bindis so their high level of moral corruption can be easily gleaned by the audience. Continue reading “Ekta Kapoor Confesses Bindi Size Directly Correlates To Characters’ Evilness in Indian Serial Roles”

Desi Auntie Approval Association (DAAA) Approval Rating Hits All Time Low

Written by Rani Shah

June 15th, 2017

auntie villain

SUBURBIA, USA – “You looked better with long hair betaaaa,” cooed the various aunties circled around 25-year-old Sanjana Soni, “And so thin! My oh my, are you eating nowadays? This is too thin!”

“I love my hair short,” nervously laughed Ms. Soni, “Fits my personality better, plus my neck doesn’t get all sweaty!”

The auntie mob clicked their tongues and nodded their heads in disapproval, it was wedding season and they were concerned with how short hair will look while wearing a sari or legenga choli – outfits that Ms. Soni wore twice a year.

With occurrences like this happening at a shocking rate of twice per family party and/or wedding, the board of the Desi Auntie Approval Association (DAAA) has been scrambling to maintain their image.

“Back in the 90’s we were known to keep the peace and only judge when young girls weren’t feminine enough,” explains DAAA President, Sunita Auntie,  “But the aunties of this generation are a hitting it where it hurts, we’re talking fat shaming, skinny shaming, career shaming, haircut shaming, the list is never ending!”

“Just last week we had to reprimand a member for judging a guest at a wedding for pursuing graphic design and not dentistry – we’re afraid this behavior will sink the DAAA’s approval rating and will result in a funding cut.” says DAAA VP, Jyoti Auntie.

The DAAA’s funding source is primarily Zee TV and Kellyanne Conway’s personal bank account.

As the auntie mob surrounding Ms. Soni continued, she quickly checked into her flight, made sure it was indeed a one-way ticket, and tucked her short hair behind her ear.

 

 

Coachella Music Festival Leads to Widespread Bindi Shortages

Written by Sona Desai

April 14th, 2017

SEATTLE, WA – Wholesaler Amazon has noted sudden shortages of the bindi, a traditional embellishment worn by Indian women. Fuss Class Analysts note that it’s difficult to know whether this shortage is due to music festival Coachella happening this weekend or the upcoming Indian wedding season.  

Seasoned Coachella-goer Emily Jenkins voiced her enthusiasm over bindis, “I brought these stickers to Burning Man, and everyone loved them! Also, my yoga instructor, Celeste, wears one all the time. I feel like I was Indian in another life.”

Second generation Indian-American and Seattle native, Deepa Nayar admits the shortage has left her confused and annoyed.

“It’s pretty weird. As a teenager, my non-Indian friends made fun of my chutney sandwiches, funky looking Indian chappals, and the smell of incense burning in my house”, mentions Miss Nayar, “now I see those same people taking these elements of my culture to make a basic-ass statement. I can’t believe Amazon is SOLD OUT OF BINDI’S! Not looking forward to another wedding of Jigisha auntie whispering about how I’m ‘out of touch with the culture’”

Amazon teams have noted customer complaints like Deepa’s and have offered free temporary Om tattoos in lieu of all unfulfilled bindi orders.