Tag: south asian

Roommate Unable To Function Without Mom

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Moving into their new Bay Area apartment this past year, 25-year-old’s Amar Joshi, Shaan Tiwari, and Vishal Pathak, were ready to buy some furniture and create a temporary home for themselves.

Continue reading “Roommate Unable To Function Without Mom”

Community Mobilizes to Save High School Freshman Interested in Gender Studies BA

ATLANTA – Hundreds from Atlanta’s South Asian community assembled at Drs. Hemant and Suresha Reddy’s Buckhead home this Saturday to join a surprise intervention on behalf of the couple’s son, Kishore Reddy.
Continue reading “Community Mobilizes to Save High School Freshman Interested in Gender Studies BA”

Ajit Pai Tackles Net Neutrality To Prove He Didn’t Peak In Middle School

WASHINGTON D.C – FCC Chairman Ajit Pai, who in less than 10 days will push for the removal of net neutrality consumer protections, has dominated the headlines to the displeasure of everybody. Continue reading “Ajit Pai Tackles Net Neutrality To Prove He Didn’t Peak In Middle School”

Grown Woman Nervous To Order ‘Sex on the Beach’ During Family Dinner

LAS VEGAS, NV – The waiter had finished naming off the Chef’s Specials and asked the table if they needed a few minutes before beginning their drink order. Continue reading “Grown Woman Nervous To Order ‘Sex on the Beach’ During Family Dinner”

‘Mundian To Bach Ke’ Found To Be Primary Reason For Wedding Reception Attendance

Written by Rani Shah

July 6th, 2017

panjabi mc

LONDON, EN – With wedding season in North America reaching its peak during the summer months, researchers have honed in on patterns occurring at most Indian-American weddings.

After attending dozens of ‘small’ weddings consisting of 400 – 600 people, sociologists from Oxford University think they’ve cracked the case behind the human cognitive science of attending events.

Prior to 2003, it was found that close to 65% of all wedding invitees actually attended the wedding reception and stayed towards the end. Post-2003, however, researchers noticed an unnatural spike in wedding reception attendance. Almost 90% of invitees were showing up to receptions.

“It’s like all of a sudden people enjoyed wedding receptions or something,” says Deepti Chopra, a Fuss Class Analyst, “Nothing notable changed, there was still free food, free booze, and single men/women – so why this sudden spike?”

What researchers failed to acknowledge was the rise of popular bhangra song, Mundian To Bach Ke by Panjabi MC, occurring in 2003. The team at Oxford University discovered this correlation between increase in wedding reception attendance and Mundian To Bach Ke after attending their 6th wedding this summer.

“Almost as if a switch was flipped, the crowd goes from drab to fab when this song comes on,” describes Justin George, a Ph.D student from Oxford, “We noticed how the first 2 seconds of this song leads to a 50% increase in dance crowd size at receptions. Can you blame them? The song is just so damn good.”

After crunching the numbers, the Oxford team finally concluded that Mundian To Bach Ke is the primary cause of more guests wanting to attend the weddings of their shitty friends or distant, irrelevant cousins.

“The song is the perfect mix of ethnic and familiar,” explains Deepti Chopra, “Traditional enough for the older crowd and non-threatening enough for white people – it’s a win-win.”

[Read: White Man Tries To Relate To South Asian Coworker By Mentioning Chicken Tikka Masala]

Tensions Rise As Patio Door Is Left Open While The A/C Is On

ARLINGTON, VA – With temperatures reaching among the high 80s and 90s this summer, families everywhere are turning to their A/C to keep things comfy.

As summer break hums along, neighborhood children find themselves going between local parks and their homes multiple times per day – the constant opening and closing of doors has caused some disturbance in nearby homes.

“It’s like dad has a sixth sense,” explains 11-year-old Raghu Kumar, “I’ll open the patio door for 2 seconds and he’ll come out of NOWHERE and demand that I close the door immediately because ‘the A/C is on’.”

Raghu’s brother, 15-year-old Tejas Kumar agrees, “It’s always been like this, just last week I was watching TV and Dad heard a door close in the show I was watching. He started yelling from upstairs about how I need to close the patio door right away.”

Both sons claim that family car rides have also felt the effects of the A/C syndrome – Tejas opened the window to ask for directions and was allegedly smacked in the back of the head because ‘the A/C is on’.

Upon looking at the Kumar’s thermostat, the home is set to a balmy 76 degrees F.

Written by Rani Shah

July 6th, 2017

[Read: Mom Continues To Yell During International Calls Despite 20 Years Of Technological Advancements]