1. Be woke but pay for all our dates: Yes, it’s 2018 and feminism is all about equality but when the bill comes I will be personally offended that you didn’t pay for our $16 cocktails. Sure, I work for a tech company and actually might make more than you but I haven’t signed up for a Venmo account for this exact situation. Continue reading “7 Ways To Be A True ‘Handsome Brown Guy’”
October 16th, 2017
NEW YORK CITY, NY – As wedding season comes to a close, Brians and Madisons everywhere are floored by the spectacle that is a traditional Indian wedding.
NYU’s Anthropology Dean, Smita Rao, explains this phenomenon, “In the early 90’s we definitely saw a surge of White Americans attending South Asian weddings. Now with the prevalence of social media and the Bollywood dance craze exposing more of Indian culture, it’s like white people have never seen colors in their life before.”
While 4-5 days of wedding events and guest lists averaging at 400 guests/event at South Asian weddings is staggering in itself, researchers claim that merely seeing a man with glitter on his outfit will get white people going for months.
“I’ve never seen anything like it. The colors. I mean everyone was wearing a different color. I saw pink. I saw blue. I saw parrot green. I didn’t even know these existed.” raved Brian Applebaum, “I was medically diagnosed as colorblind before attending Aakash’s wedding to be quite honest.”
“I wear a tan cardigan to work every day,” added Madison Applebaum, “After Aakash’s color bender I’m considering wearing something exotic instead – perhaps a polka dotted cardigan.”
[Read: White Man Tries To Relate To South Asian Coworker By Mentioning Chicken Tikka Masala]
WASHINGTON D.C – The Trump administration has recently met with controversy after their apparent support and endorsement of the Indian Fuckboi Association (IFA). Fuss Class reporters discovered close to $50 thousand dollars in donations that IFA accepted from the Trump administration over the last month. Continue reading “Indian Fuckboi Association Endorsed by President Donald Trump”
January 7th, 2017
BOSTON, MA – Earlier this week, 25 year old Karthik Patel had successfully set up a day to meet a girl he had been messaging on popular South Asian dating app, Dil Mil.
“Kk see you Friday!” read the text he received from 24 year old Priya Sharma. Mr. Patel suggested that he and Ms. Sharma meet up at a local bar for a drink. He had been there once and the ambiance was ‘chill enough’ for a date.
Upon her arrival, Ms. Sharma realized, to her dismay, that the bar which Mr. Patel had chosen had several televisions all with various ESPN networks being shown.
While talking about how much they ‘love travel’ and how Mr. Patel goes home every weekend to get Indian food from his mom, Ms. Sharma appreciated that he had barely glanced at SportsCenter being shown on the TV behind her. An hour and half later, Ms. Sharma politely left and told Mr. Patel that she had had a “really good time.”
Upon asking Ms. Sharma how she felt about the date she said, “He was cool! Cute and actually really funny. Plus he didn’t talk about how he wants to get an MBA the entire time – better than most dates I’ve been on.”
“She was super chill and smart. I think I’ll ask her to watch the Pat’s game at my friends place next week”, remarked Mr. Patel.