Tag: america

Sar-He™ Surpasses RompHim™ Sales This Holiday Season

MUMBAI, INDIA – With the recent success of the bold, new RompHim™ for men in the United States, boys and men nationwide have scrambled to get their hands on this novelty fashion piece. Continue reading “Sar-He™ Surpasses RompHim™ Sales This Holiday Season”

Following FCC Vote, Ajit Pai and Bobby Jindal Hit The Town With Chai Tea Lattes

WASHINGTON D.C – Following Thursday’s vote to repeal net neutrality laws in the US, FCC chairman Ajit Pai is set for celebration. Continue reading “Following FCC Vote, Ajit Pai and Bobby Jindal Hit The Town With Chai Tea Lattes”

Angry South Asian Fathers Find Inspiration From White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer

Written by Rani Shah

April 4th, 2017

WASHINGTON D.C – White House press secretary, Sean Spicer, is known for his impassioned, rude, and often baseless statements regarding domestic and international politics.

Americans everywhere generally regard Spicer as a hot head and oftentimes describe his rebuttals as ‘toddler like’. One group of Americans, however, seem to find an uncanny resemblance to Spicer’s methods of conflict to that of their fathers.

Indian-Americans, Radhika Shah and Prashant Suresh reached out to Fuss Class News to share their experience.

“At first when I noticed Spicer talking up there and giving random, illogical rebuttals to the journalists I was like, ‘Whoa, where I have I experienced this before?'”, remarked Ms. Shah

“I agree with Radhika”, quipped Mr. Suresh, “There was an almost eerie connection I felt with Spicer’s yelling and refusal to listen to basic reasoning.”

Ms. Shah added, “I only realized after I got in trouble with my dad for not waking up before 8 a.m while I was on vacation that this style of seething anger and erratic yelling is what I’m used to. One time I wore open toed shoes in winter and my dad got so angry that he said my attempts at medical school were futile because I lack common sense.”

Mr. Suresh chuckled at Ms. Shah’s comments, “Oh I know what you mean Radhika. Remember when Spicer yelled at a reporter for nodding her head? One time I did that and got slapped twice!”

Upon asking what his relationship with his father is currently like, Mr. Suresh had this to say, “I only talk to him about money and career. Never anything emotional, or impactful, or inspirational, or anything other than business talk. It’s better for us all this way. I love my dad.”

Trump Frustrated By PM Narendra Modi’s ‘Complicated Name’; Decides To Call Him ‘Ned’

Written by Rani Shah

January 29th, 2017

WASHINGTON D.C – With recent developments surrounding questionable immigration and refugee policy, President Trump has begun communicating with world leaders on a more regular basis.

The Prime Minister of India, Narendra Modi, is one such leader who has been in touch with Trump. Upon meeting, the Prime Minister had no issue pronouncing ‘Donald Trump’ – as Donald Duck is a favorite of Modi.

President Trump, however, has had multiple issues pronouncing the Prime Minister’s name. While it is only 3 syllables, Trump’s obvious speech and developmental disabilities has prevented him from properly pronouncing ‘Narendra’.

Even though small children in India can easily pronounce the Prime Minister’s name, President Trump did the usual and decided that “The White way is the right way” and now calls the Prime Minister ‘Ned’.

When asked, President Trump had the following to say, “Ned’s a great guy lemme tell ya – real champion and total inspiration for the Pakistani people….oh he’s not the PM of Pakistan? Wait he’s brown though, aren’t they all the same?”

White Saree Demand Skyrockets As South Asians Mourn America’s Future

Written by Rani Shah

January 23rd, 2017

WASHINGTON D.C – The recent presidential inauguration of Donald Trump has spurred on an unconventional trend within the textile industry. White saree’s, commonly worn in the South Asian community during funerals and mourning periods, have seen a marked increase in demand since Friday’s presidential inauguration.

The last time white saree sales saw an increase was in the 1950’s due to deaths brought on by polio.

graph-trump

(Graph provided by our Fuss Class analyst, Utsav Shah)

“It’s uncanny, the demand has nearly surpassed supply.”, remarks Professor Neha Singh, “The level to which factory workers are making fabric might force Indian manufacturers to import from China.”

Fuss Class News reached out to the Trump Administration for further comment but did not receive a reply due to their fear of brown people and their lack of understanding surrounding basic communication skills.