Dear Maa,
Listen, I’ve eaten your rotis, even when the daal had just a touch too much salt. I’ve taken your thappads and obediently did math problems while all my other friends played outside in the summers. What I’m trying to say is that most of my life I’ve been your good beta. Continue reading “Letters To My Mummi (No.1): Shaadi”
CHICAGO, IL – “Visiting friends, enjoying the food served by the temple, and having the chance to meditate” are just a few reasons the Mehta’s cite as to what they look forward to every Diwali season at their Chicago temple. Continue reading “Girl Enters Temple on Her Period; Nothing Happens”
LAS VEGAS, NV – The waiter had finished naming off the Chef’s Specials and asked the table if they needed a few minutes before beginning their drink order. Continue reading “Grown Woman Nervous To Order ‘Sex on the Beach’ During Family Dinner”
ARLINGTON, VA – With temperatures reaching among the high 80s and 90s this summer, families everywhere are turning to their A/C to keep things comfy.
As summer break hums along, neighborhood children find themselves going between local parks and their homes multiple times per day – the constant opening and closing of doors has caused some disturbance in nearby homes.
“It’s like dad has a sixth sense,” explains 11-year-old Raghu Kumar, “I’ll open the patio door for 2 seconds and he’ll come out of NOWHERE and demand that I close the door immediately because ‘the A/C is on’.”
Raghu’s brother, 15-year-old Tejas Kumar agrees, “It’s always been like this, just last week I was watching TV and Dad heard a door close in the show I was watching. He started yelling from upstairs about how I need to close the patio door right away.”
Both sons claim that family car rides have also felt the effects of the A/C syndrome – Tejas opened the window to ask for directions and was allegedly smacked in the back of the head because ‘the A/C is on’.
Upon looking at the Kumar’s thermostat, the home is set to a balmy 76 degrees F.
[Read: Mom Continues To Yell During International Calls Despite 20 Years Of Technological Advancements]
SUBURBIA, USA – “You looked better with long hair betaaaa,” cooed the various aunties circled around 25-year-old Sanjana Soni, “And so thin! My oh my, are you eating nowadays? This is too thin!”
“I love my hair short,” nervously laughed Ms. Soni, “Fits my personality better, plus my neck doesn’t get all sweaty!”
The auntie mob clicked their tongues and nodded their heads in disapproval, it was wedding season and they were concerned with how short hair will look while wearing a sari or legenga choli – outfits that Ms. Soni wore twice a year.
With occurrences like this happening at a shocking rate of twice per family party and/or wedding, the board of the Desi Auntie Approval Association (DAAA) has been scrambling to maintain their image.
“Back in the 90’s we were known to keep the peace and only judge when young girls weren’t feminine enough,” explains DAAA President, Sunita Auntie, “But the aunties of this generation are a hitting it where it hurts, we’re talking fat shaming, skinny shaming, career shaming, haircut shaming, the list is never ending!”
“Just last week we had to reprimand a member for judging a guest at a wedding for pursuing graphic design and not dentistry – we’re afraid this behavior will sink the DAAA’s approval rating and will result in a funding cut.” says DAAA VP, Jyoti Auntie.
The DAAA’s funding source is primarily Zee TV and Kellyanne Conway’s personal bank account.
As the auntie mob surrounding Ms. Soni continued, she quickly checked into her flight, made sure it was indeed a one-way ticket, and tucked her short hair behind her ear.
ATLANTA, GA – 27-year-old Rabiya Khan was awoken by loud, consistent yelling on Saturday morning at her parent’s home in suburban Atlanta. Continue reading “Mom Continues To Yell During International Calls Despite 20 Years Of Technological Advancements”
WASHINGTON D.C – White House press secretary, Sean Spicer, is known for his impassioned, rude, and often baseless statements regarding domestic and international politics.
Americans everywhere generally regard Spicer as a hot head and oftentimes describe his rebuttals as ‘toddler like’. One group of Americans, however, seem to find an uncanny resemblance to Spicer’s methods of conflict to that of their fathers.
Indian-Americans, Radhika Shah and Prashant Suresh reached out to Fuss Class News to share their experience.
“At first when I noticed Spicer talking up there and giving random, illogical rebuttals to the journalists I was like, ‘Whoa, where I have I experienced this before?'”, remarked Ms. Shah
“I agree with Radhika”, quipped Mr. Suresh, “There was an almost eerie connection I felt with Spicer’s yelling and refusal to listen to basic reasoning.”
Ms. Shah added, “I only realized after I got in trouble with my dad for not waking up before 8 a.m while I was on vacation that this style of seething anger and erratic yelling is what I’m used to. One time I wore open toed shoes in winter and my dad got so angry that he said my attempts at medical school were futile because I lack common sense.”
Mr. Suresh chuckled at Ms. Shah’s comments, “Oh I know what you mean Radhika. Remember when Spicer yelled at a reporter for nodding her head? One time I did that and got slapped twice!”
Upon asking what his relationship with his father is currently like, Mr. Suresh had this to say, “I only talk to him about money and career. Never anything emotional, or impactful, or inspirational, or anything other than business talk. It’s better for us all this way. I love my dad.”
RICHMOND, VA – After grabbing lunch at her local South Indian diner, Balaji Express, Tania Reddy was more than satisfied with her meal. Continue reading “Local Woman’s Fingers Remain Stained 18 Days After Eating Dosa”
BALTIMORE, MD – March 8th celebrates International Women’s Day, a day of conversation and appreciation surrounding the topics of gender equality, women’s safety, and equal opportunities.
As Mr. Sandeep Amin sat down at the family dining table, he opened up that morning’s edition of the Washington Post and began reading about local events taking place in honor of International Women’s Day.
“See this, always respect women!”, Mr. Amin told his son sitting across the table, “It is always about respecting your mother and sister. Remember that.”
24 year old Harsh Amin silently nodded in agreement as he tweeted, “#HappyInternationalWomensDay”
As Mr. Amin and Harsh sat at the table, Mrs. Indu Amin was frantically making roti and stirring daal in the kitchen. She had gotten out of work 30 minutes late that day and knew how Mr. Amin’s temperament got if dinner wasn’t served before 7 p.m.
She placed the plates and the bowls of food on the table – “Finally! I was so hungry. Why has this taken so long for you lately?”, exclaimed Mr. Amin.
Harsh eyed the plates on the table and goes, “Mom – why did you make this daal again? I don’t want it again, just pass me the rice.”
“Where is your sister?”, asked Mrs. Amin, “PAYAL! Come down. Dinner!”
As 18 year old Payal Amin rushed downstairs, Mrs. Amin begins to go off, “Why didn’t you do the dishes yesterday? Look at the sink!”
“I was studying for my AP Exams”, responded Payal as she looked over at her brother Harsh who still lived at home and her father who didn’t know how to iron a shirt or make rice for himself, both quietly eating.
“Dude stop wearing yoga pants all the time – they’re too tight”, remarked Harsh.
Payal sat down at the dinner table as Harsh checked his phone to see how many people had favorited his tweet.
WASHINGTON D.C – The Trump administration has recently met with controversy after their apparent support and endorsement of the Indian Fuckboi Association (IFA). Fuss Class reporters discovered close to $50 thousand dollars in donations that IFA accepted from the Trump administration over the last month. Continue reading “Indian Fuckboi Association Endorsed by President Donald Trump”
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