Tag: funny

Friend Pumped About “happy wife is happy life” Wedding Speech

CHICAGO, IL – As the marriage ceremonies of Anand and Heta Sharma took place this last weekend, families and friends prepared for a speech and dance-filled wedding reception. Continue reading “Friend Pumped About “happy wife is happy life” Wedding Speech”

Following FCC Vote, Ajit Pai and Bobby Jindal Hit The Town With Chai Tea Lattes

WASHINGTON D.C – Following Thursday’s vote to repeal net neutrality laws in the US, FCC chairman Ajit Pai is set for celebration. Continue reading “Following FCC Vote, Ajit Pai and Bobby Jindal Hit The Town With Chai Tea Lattes”

Ajit Pai Tackles Net Neutrality To Prove He Didn’t Peak In Middle School

WASHINGTON D.C – FCC Chairman Ajit Pai, who in less than 10 days will push for the removal of net neutrality consumer protections, has dominated the headlines to the displeasure of everybody. Continue reading “Ajit Pai Tackles Net Neutrality To Prove He Didn’t Peak In Middle School”

Studies Show White People Will Never Be Able To Stop Talking About How Colorful Indian Weddings Are.

Written by Rani Shah

October 16th, 2017

 

NEW YORK CITY, NY – As wedding season comes to a close, Brians and Madisons everywhere are floored by the spectacle that is a traditional Indian wedding.

NYU’s Anthropology Dean, Smita Rao, explains this phenomenon, “In the early 90’s we definitely saw a surge of White Americans attending South Asian weddings. Now with the prevalence of social media and the Bollywood dance craze exposing more of Indian culture, it’s like white people have never seen colors in their life before.”

While 4-5 days of wedding events and guest lists averaging at 400 guests/event at South Asian weddings is staggering in itself, researchers claim that merely seeing a man with glitter on his outfit will get white people going for months.

“I’ve never seen anything like it. The colors. I mean everyone was wearing a different color. I saw pink. I saw blue. I saw parrot green. I didn’t even know these existed.” raved Brian Applebaum, “I was medically diagnosed as colorblind before attending Aakash’s wedding to be quite honest.”

“I wear a tan cardigan to work every day,” added Madison Applebaum, “After Aakash’s color bender I’m considering wearing something exotic instead – perhaps a polka dotted cardigan.”

[ReadWhite Man Tries To Relate To South Asian Coworker By Mentioning Chicken Tikka Masala]

Girl Enters Temple on Her Period; Nothing Happens

CHICAGO, IL – “Visiting friends, enjoying the food served by the temple, and having the chance to meditate” are just a few reasons the Mehta’s cite as to what they look forward to every Diwali season at their Chicago temple. Continue reading “Girl Enters Temple on Her Period; Nothing Happens”

Trump Appoints Sholay’s Gabbar Singh As U.S. Secretary of Defense

[Originally published in Brown Girl Magazine]

WASHINGTON D.C – As tensions with North Korea and the United States continue to rise, President Trump has taken it upon himself rearrange U.S. Department of Defense by firing yet another cabinet member, General James Mattis. Continue reading “Trump Appoints Sholay’s Gabbar Singh As U.S. Secretary of Defense”

Baraat Horse ‘done with this shit’. Decides To Pursue Law School.

BALTIMORE, MD – With the 18th wedding this summer, Blaze, the white stallion, has endured another summer spent on a black tar, suburban parking lot. Continue reading “Baraat Horse ‘done with this shit’. Decides To Pursue Law School.”