Tag: humor

Sar-He™ Surpasses RompHim™ Sales This Holiday Season

MUMBAI, INDIA – With the recent success of the bold, new RompHim™ for men in the United States, boys and men nationwide have scrambled to get their hands on this novelty fashion piece. Continue reading “Sar-He™ Surpasses RompHim™ Sales This Holiday Season”

Following FCC Vote, Ajit Pai and Bobby Jindal Hit The Town With Chai Tea Lattes

WASHINGTON D.C – Following Thursday’s vote to repeal net neutrality laws in the US, FCC chairman Ajit Pai is set for celebration. Continue reading “Following FCC Vote, Ajit Pai and Bobby Jindal Hit The Town With Chai Tea Lattes”

Baraat Horse ‘done with this shit’. Decides To Pursue Law School.

BALTIMORE, MD – With the 18th wedding this summer, Blaze, the white stallion, has endured another summer spent on a black tar, suburban parking lot. Continue reading “Baraat Horse ‘done with this shit’. Decides To Pursue Law School.”

Grown Woman Nervous To Order ‘Sex on the Beach’ During Family Dinner

LAS VEGAS, NV – The waiter had finished naming off the Chef’s Specials and asked the table if they needed a few minutes before beginning their drink order. Continue reading “Grown Woman Nervous To Order ‘Sex on the Beach’ During Family Dinner”

‘Mundian To Bach Ke’ Found To Be Primary Reason For Wedding Reception Attendance

Written by Rani Shah

July 6th, 2017

panjabi mc

LONDON, EN – With wedding season in North America reaching its peak during the summer months, researchers have honed in on patterns occurring at most Indian-American weddings.

After attending dozens of ‘small’ weddings consisting of 400 – 600 people, sociologists from Oxford University think they’ve cracked the case behind the human cognitive science of attending events.

Prior to 2003, it was found that close to 65% of all wedding invitees actually attended the wedding reception and stayed towards the end. Post-2003, however, researchers noticed an unnatural spike in wedding reception attendance. Almost 90% of invitees were showing up to receptions.

“It’s like all of a sudden people enjoyed wedding receptions or something,” says Deepti Chopra, a Fuss Class Analyst, “Nothing notable changed, there was still free food, free booze, and single men/women – so why this sudden spike?”

What researchers failed to acknowledge was the rise of popular bhangra song, Mundian To Bach Ke by Panjabi MC, occurring in 2003. The team at Oxford University discovered this correlation between increase in wedding reception attendance and Mundian To Bach Ke after attending their 6th wedding this summer.

“Almost as if a switch was flipped, the crowd goes from drab to fab when this song comes on,” describes Justin George, a Ph.D student from Oxford, “We noticed how the first 2 seconds of this song leads to a 50% increase in dance crowd size at receptions. Can you blame them? The song is just so damn good.”

After crunching the numbers, the Oxford team finally concluded that Mundian To Bach Ke is the primary cause of more guests wanting to attend the weddings of their shitty friends or distant, irrelevant cousins.

“The song is the perfect mix of ethnic and familiar,” explains Deepti Chopra, “Traditional enough for the older crowd and non-threatening enough for white people – it’s a win-win.”

[Read: White Man Tries To Relate To South Asian Coworker By Mentioning Chicken Tikka Masala]

Friends Groups Spends Hours Getting Ready To Look Exactly Like Every Other Girl At Party

[Originally published on Brown Girl Magazine]

Written by Rani Shah

June 27th, 2017

fuss class desi girl

CHICAGO, IL – A stick of red lipstick, intense hair straightening, and a simple swipe of cat eyeliner later, the girls getting ready at Apt. 908 are ready for their Uber heading to Naina Khanna’s birthday party.

Prior to meeting up, each and every girl had picked out their outfit and packed their makeup bag in order to get ready together and pre-game at Priya Reddy’s apartment.

“I think I’m gonna straighten my hair, wear my black dress with heels, and pair it with a bold lip.” says Priya Reddy.

“Whoa, that sounds cute girl,” exclaims Sunita Kaur, “I’m probs gonna wear my black crop top and wear my bright red lipstick.”

Rabab Hasan, Sunita’s roommate, squeals in excitement. “Omg that’s SO cute. I’m doing a simple black top with jeans and cute flats. Maybe some burgundy lipstick. Priya, can I borrow your hair straightener?”

A few shots of Fireball and a glass of wine later, the ladies lined up to take a group selfie before they headed out. Upon uploading to Facebook, the automatic tag feature began incorrectly tagging the girls in the photo.

“Wow. Facebook,” huffed Ms. Patel, as she watched Ms. Kaur and Ms. Hasan both straightening their hair and share the same red lipstick, “We’re not all the same person.”

[ReadFather and Son Celebrate International Women’s Day By Asking Mom What’s For Dinner]

White Man Tries To Relate To South Asian Coworker By Mentioning Chicken Tikka Masala

Written by Rani Shah

June 13th, 2017

fuss class chicken.jpg

ST. LOUIS, MO – It’s been 2 months since Pratik Shastri began working at a local legal firm. Specializing in corporate law, he is confident he’s found the right firm to propel his career forward.

“I feel challenged and am surrounded by really bright attorneys,” explains Mr. Shastri, “I’m excited for my future here.”

Like most workplaces in America, Mr. Shastri is a minority in his office. As such, he is no stranger to his white coworkers trying their best to ‘relate to his background.’

“I just LOVE naan and chicken tikka masala,” gushes Brian Perkins, “I’m all about that spice. I’ve been asking Pratik if he wants to get some with me for the past few weeks.”

Upon asking what other Indian dishes he enjoyed, Brian admitted, “I’ve tried chai lattes before but nothing else really. I’m not sure I’ll like curry – plus I don’t want anything that you can’t eat with a fork.”

“I’m from Chicago,” said Mr. Shastri, “Some decent pizza for lunch would be nice.”

[ReadIndia Officially Renamed ‘Bollywood Land’ By White Marketing Execs]