Ajit Pai Tackles Net Neutrality To Prove He Didn’t Peak In Middle School

WASHINGTON D.C – FCC Chairman Ajit Pai, who in less than 10 days will push for the removal of net neutrality consumer protections, has dominated the headlines to the displeasure of everybody.

Indian-Americans around the country struggle to grasp how one of “them” is, quite frankly, such a disappointment. As if growing up in Kansas, attending Ivy League schools, and later working in  Louisiana post-law school doesn’t paint enough of a picture – Ajit Pai’s parents were also both doctors.

Visiting his hometown in Kansas, FCN  reached out to Mr. Pai’s family friends.

“Ajit was that kid in 7th grade who’d win the spelling bee and then make you feel bad for not being able to spell ‘obstetrician’ correctly,” remarked Karthik Rao, a childhood friend, “Like he used to tell my mom I was listening to rap music and then casually mention how he LOVES Lata Mangeshkar.”

His neighbor, Shreya Reddy, added, “You know those family parties in the 90s where all the uncles were talking about Clinton’s economy? Yea Ajit was that kid who’d start arguing with them after having read one chapter of ‘Wealth of Nations‘.”

“This one time in 6th grade, he took the SAT early because his parents insisted and I swear that was the highlight of his year,” continued Mr. Rao, “Once he entered high school and college, all the other honors and AP kids were just as smart so you could definitely tell he lost himself a bit.”


Mr. Pai’s colleagues express the same sentiment. Whether it’s his office staff or interns, Ajit Pai’s office is reportedly littered with participation soccer trophies.

“I swear I heard him muttering about ‘Jefferson Middle School’ while he was overlooking the latest FCC Guidelines,” said Dave Trotchki, a college junior currently interning for the FCC, “That and he’s obsessed with playing golf with Bobby Jindal – his office told us to stop calling them.”

Written by Rani Shah

Note from Fuss Class News – FCN may be funny but Ajit Pai isn’t:

Pai is ignoring the public outcry, and the FCC will vote on his Net Neutrality-killing plan on Dec. 14. Urge the agency to ditch this plan, and tell your members of Congress to condemn Pai’s attack on the open internet.


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