MUMBAI, IN – Ekta Kapoor and other popular Indian serial producers have found success in using the tried and true technique of outfitting the evilest aunty characters in their shows with the largest bindis. Characters such as Komolika in Kasauti Zindagi Kay are assigned the most extravagant bindis so their high level of moral corruption can be easily gleaned by the audience. Continue reading “Ekta Kapoor Confesses Bindi Size Directly Correlates To Characters’ Evilness in Indian Serial Roles”
ATLANTA – Hundreds from Atlanta’s South Asian community assembled at Drs. Hemant and Suresha Reddy’s Buckhead home this Saturday to join a surprise intervention on behalf of the couple’s son, Kishore Reddy.
Continue reading “Community Mobilizes to Save High School Freshman Interested in Gender Studies BA”
CHICAGO, IL – “Visiting friends, enjoying the food served by the temple, and having the chance to meditate” are just a few reasons the Mehta’s cite as to what they look forward to every Diwali season at their Chicago temple. Continue reading “Girl Enters Temple on Her Period; Nothing Happens”
CHICAGO, IL – A stick of red lipstick, intense hair straightening, and a simple swipe of cat eyeliner later, the girls getting ready at Apt. 908 are ready for their Uber heading to Naina Khanna’s birthday party. Continue reading “Friends Groups Spends Hours Getting Ready To Look Exactly Like Every Other Girl At Party”
Written by Rani Shah
April 19th, 2017
CHICAGO, IL – Fervor surrounding Drake’s latest album release, More Life, continues among music fans. The Indian Fuckboi Association (IFA) in particular has been affected deeply by this album release – many members learning that passion fruit is not a only euphemism but also a literal fruit.
Past the counter tops cluttered with bags of creatine powder and Indian snacks from their moms, IFA’s fridge has suddenly been stocked with passion fruit flavored Chobani Greek yogurt.
IFA Communications Officer, Harish Kumar, was shocked at the new development, “I was at HQ looking for a snack and when I opened the fridge I was like whattttt this shit is a real flavor?!”
Members of the IFA will often enjoy this sweet treat while polishing their diamond earring studs, some have even bought the fruit itself. Unable to use knives properly, many passion fruits lay around IFA HQ until someone’s girlfriend visits and cuts it herself.
More Life has also prompted multiple IFA members to plan a roadtrip to Portland, Oregon and Portland, Maine, according to the National Tourism Bureau.
Written by Rani Shah
February 7th, 2017
WASHINGTON D.C – Billionaire Betsy DeVos was confirmed as the United States Education Secretary yesterday morning after a tie breaking vote put forth by Vice President Mike Pence. DeVos, with no professional background in education, attending public school, or dealing with crippling student debt, has put families on edge regarding their children’s future.
Since DeVos’ confirmation, tutoring giant, Kumon, has seen a significant increase in registrations – close to 85%. A popular choice among South Asian families, it’s no surprise to analysts that the current political climate has caused such a phenomenon.
Fuss Class News reached out to Abbas Khan, a senior at Roosevelt High School and manager at the local Kumon, “After school we usually have 20 or 25 kids here doing their coursework”, remarked Mr.Khan, “But today, we had close to 75 parents waiting to register their kids.”
“This country still has institutions like Stanford and Harvard and I’ll be damned if my kids aren’t well prepared to be viable candidates”, said Manu Thomas, a parent waiting in line for Kumon registration. He added, “The Trump administration can do what they want with this country with whatever agenda they want to push, but at the end of the day my daughter won’t be a better scientist if she’s taught to deny climate change.”
PASADENA, CA – As 5-year-old Rohit Roy plays with his friends on the playground, his parents Jyoti and Dilip Roy watch in dismay.
Rohit, an extraordinarily gifted boy, was recently invited to compete in The State of California Spelling Championship – the winners of which are invited to The Scripps National Spelling Bee. After conquering words such as ‘prestidigitation’ and ‘mononuclidic’ he finished 3rd overall.
“He couldn’t win the state spelling bee,” says Mrs. Roy dejectedly. “Our eldest son, Ramesh, was able to win Scripps three years ago!” exclaims Mr. Roy, “I don’t know how Rohit will be competitive for MIT now with this setback.”
When FCN asked about his thoughts on the whole spelling bee experience, Rohit simply said, “I like trucks,” and swung away on the monkey bars.