Tag: beauty

Friends Groups Spends Hours Getting Ready To Look Exactly Like Every Other Girl At Party

CHICAGO, IL – A stick of red lipstick, intense hair straightening, and a simple swipe of cat eyeliner later, the girls getting ready at Apt. 908 are ready for their Uber heading to Naina Khanna’s birthday party. Continue reading “Friends Groups Spends Hours Getting Ready To Look Exactly Like Every Other Girl At Party”

Coachella Music Festival Leads to Widespread Bindi Shortages

Written by Sona Desai

April 14th, 2017

SEATTLE, WA – Wholesaler Amazon has noted sudden shortages of the bindi, a traditional embellishment worn by Indian women. Fuss Class Analysts note that it’s difficult to know whether this shortage is due to music festival Coachella happening this weekend or the upcoming Indian wedding season.  

Seasoned Coachella-goer Emily Jenkins voiced her enthusiasm over bindis, “I brought these stickers to Burning Man, and everyone loved them! Also, my yoga instructor, Celeste, wears one all the time. I feel like I was Indian in another life.”

Second generation Indian-American and Seattle native, Deepa Nayar admits the shortage has left her confused and annoyed.

“It’s pretty weird. As a teenager, my non-Indian friends made fun of my chutney sandwiches, funky looking Indian chappals, and the smell of incense burning in my house”, mentions Miss Nayar, “now I see those same people taking these elements of my culture to make a basic-ass statement. I can’t believe Amazon is SOLD OUT OF BINDI’S! Not looking forward to another wedding of Jigisha auntie whispering about how I’m ‘out of touch with the culture’”

Amazon teams have noted customer complaints like Deepa’s and have offered free temporary Om tattoos in lieu of all unfulfilled bindi orders.  

Local Woman’s Fingers Remain Stained 18 Days After Eating Dosa

RICHMOND, VA – After grabbing lunch at her local South Indian diner, Balaji Express, Tania Reddy was more than satisfied with her meal.

She had been craving some South Indian cuisine and invited a few of her friends along on Saturday afternoon so they could all enjoy some dosa, idli, vada, sambhar, and even rasam. Halfway through her meal, she felt a pang of homesickness. “I wish I could remember this meal forever”, she thought to herself.

Little did she know, that’s exactly what would happen for the next 18 days.

It all began the morning after, Miss Reddy woke up on Sunday morning and visited the local farmers market. As she picked up various fruit she noticed the bright yellow turmeric tint her fingers and fingernails now had.

“Man that meal was so good”, she thought, “Definitely worth the yellow nails.”

Four days later, as Miss Reddy was giving a presentation at her architecture firm, she noticed her still tinted fingernails. However, this time they were brighter than before and no longer reminded her of the satisfying meal she had had.

Ten days later, while at kickboxing class, Miss Reddy took off her boxing gloves and unwrapped her hand to find that her usually almond colored fingers were still tinted a dull gold color.

“I must be imagining this,” she thought, “There’s no way I can still be stained. I’ve been scrubbing for almost 2 weeks now.”

Miss Reddy feverishly googled methods on removing food stains from her fingers once she reached home. 6 long hours later, she had tried everything from lemon juice bleaches to organic exfoliants – but alas, her jaundice-esque fingers remained.

Eighteen days later, on the brink of insanity, Miss Reddy woke up and decided that a manicure was her last hope. She walked over to the nearest salon and chose a nail color.

“Black.” she murmured under her breath, “It’s the only color powerful enough.”

Adamant, she sat down and looked her nail lady in the eye – no longer ashamed about what had become of her cuticles,  she was solely focused on removing this demon blemish.

Miss Reddy left the salon feeling like a new woman. Her shiny black nail polish had completely hidden the golden carnage present on her nail beds. Looking at her fingers on her cell phone as she texted became enjoyable again, waving to her friends no longer caused anxiety – life was good.

When asked if she’d return to Balaji Express ever again, she responded,

“I’m headed there tonight with some friends. It’s been almost 3 weeks since I’ve had dosa.”

Written by Rani Shah

April 3rd, 2017

Local Eyebrow Lady Destroys Self-Esteem By Always Asking, “Upper Lip?”

AURORA, IL – Earlier this week, 23-year-old Sara Khan arrived at Zeenat Salon to get her eyebrows threaded. It had been 3 weeks since her last threading and her selfies were no longer packing the punch they usually did. Continue reading “Local Eyebrow Lady Destroys Self-Esteem By Always Asking, “Upper Lip?””

Daughter With Hair On Arms Gets Engaged To Great Guy; Family Confused

Written by Rani Shah

December 23rd, 2016

NEW YORK, NY – Last week, 28 year old Jay Patel got down on one knee in picturesque Central Park and popped the question to his girlfriend, 27 year old Rima Desai.

Having met at a garba 3 years prior, Jay and Rima describe their relationship as, ‘loving, quirky, and honest.’ While Jay sings praises of his now fiancé , Rima always had her doubts about whether Jay would fall for her.

“Growing up, aunties would always ask why I haven’t gotten my arms waxed yet. I was told how no boy would like me but then Jay came along. He looked past my grotesque deformity and loved me for me!”, says Rima.

The couple celebrated their engagement with a family dinner in Manhattan where many family members were overjoyed, while some remained confused.

Rima’s distant family friend, Preeti Auntie had this to say, “Is she never getting her arms waxed? Do boys not have standards any longer? Sure she’s a successful attorney, fantastic artist, and major philanthropist,  but how can her arms land such a great guy?”