October 16th, 2017
NEW YORK CITY, NY – As wedding season comes to a close, Brians and Madisons everywhere are floored by the spectacle that is a traditional Indian wedding.
NYU’s Anthropology Dean, Smita Rao, explains this phenomenon, “In the early 90’s we definitely saw a surge of White Americans attending South Asian weddings. Now with the prevalence of social media and the Bollywood dance craze exposing more of Indian culture, it’s like white people have never seen colors in their life before.”
While 4-5 days of wedding events and guest lists averaging at 400 guests/event at South Asian weddings is staggering in itself, researchers claim that merely seeing a man with glitter on his outfit will get white people going for months.
“I’ve never seen anything like it. The colors. I mean everyone was wearing a different color. I saw pink. I saw blue. I saw parrot green. I didn’t even know these existed.” raved Brian Applebaum, “I was medically diagnosed as colorblind before attending Aakash’s wedding to be quite honest.”
“I wear a tan cardigan to work every day,” added Madison Applebaum, “After Aakash’s color bender I’m considering wearing something exotic instead – perhaps a polka dotted cardigan.”
[Read: White Man Tries To Relate To South Asian Coworker By Mentioning Chicken Tikka Masala]
LONDON, EN – With wedding season in North America reaching its peak during the summer months, researchers have honed in on patterns occurring at most Indian-American weddings. Continue reading “‘Mundian To Bach Ke’ Found To Be Primary Reason For Wedding Reception Attendance”
April 19th, 2017
CHICAGO, IL – Fervor surrounding Drake’s latest album release, More Life, continues among music fans. The Indian Fuckboi Association (IFA) in particular has been affected deeply by this album release – many members learning that passion fruit is not a only euphemism but also a literal fruit.
Past the counter tops cluttered with bags of creatine powder and Indian snacks from their moms, IFA’s fridge has suddenly been stocked with passion fruit flavored Chobani Greek yogurt.
IFA Communications Officer, Harish Kumar, was shocked at the new development, “I was at HQ looking for a snack and when I opened the fridge I was like whattttt this shit is a real flavor?!”
Members of the IFA will often enjoy this sweet treat while polishing their diamond earring studs, some have even bought the fruit itself. Unable to use knives properly, many passion fruits lay around IFA HQ until someone’s girlfriend visits and cuts it herself.
More Life has also prompted multiple IFA members to plan a roadtrip to Portland, Oregon and Portland, Maine, according to the National Tourism Bureau.
[Read: Indian Fuckboi Association Endorsed By President Donald Trump]