SUGAR LAND, TX – From the various trophies on their fireplace mantle to the wall full of framed certificates, the Gurusamy residence is no stranger to academic excellence.

Upon asking around the suburban Texan Indian-American community, Gautam and Sonia Gurusamy are parents of the most talked about student at family parties, their daughter Vidya Gurusamy.

“Vidya just got recognized as a National AP Scholar!” gushed Mrs. Gurusamy when asked about her daughter.

“Don’t forget about the MIT and Stanford computer science programs she was accepted into last month,” chimed in Mr. Gurusamy.

Visiting the local high school, her peers recognized additional accolades in her name. 12^th grader and salutatorian for the Class of 2017, Kelly Liu added, “She scored a 1200 on her SAT, 5’s on every single AP exam AND she’s president of the Debate Team. She was also voted Most Likely To Take Over The World this year.”

Unbeknownst to most, Vidya’s successes are not limited to the classroom. Known colloquially as Vape Kween, an anonymous source shared that she yields anywhere between $8 – $10K per month selling marijuana products.

Importing goods from Colorado and Washington, such as THC cartridges, entire buds, pre-rolled joints, and even chocolate edibles – Vidya’s operation is not only discrete but extremely efficient. Her mastery and access to the dark web makes her the only dealer in a 500 mile radius who accepts credit card, debit card, Venmo, and Bitcoin.

Fuss Class News approached Vidya while she was shopping for Visine at the local Walgreens. She declined to comment.

Written by Rani Shah

April 20th, 2017