Tag: food

Grown Woman Nervous To Order ‘Sex on the Beach’ During Family Dinner

LAS VEGAS, NV – The waiter had finished naming off the Chef’s Specials and asked the table if they needed a few minutes before beginning their drink order. Continue reading “Grown Woman Nervous To Order ‘Sex on the Beach’ During Family Dinner”

White Man Tries To Relate To South Asian Coworker By Mentioning Chicken Tikka Masala

ST. LOUIS, MO – It’s been 2 months since Pratik Shastri began working at a local legal firm. Specializing in corporate law, he is confident he’s found the right firm to propel his career forward. Continue reading “White Man Tries To Relate To South Asian Coworker By Mentioning Chicken Tikka Masala”

Local Woman’s Fingers Remain Stained 18 Days After Eating Dosa

RICHMOND, VA – After grabbing lunch at her local South Indian diner, Balaji Express, Tania Reddy was more than satisfied with her meal.

She had been craving some South Indian cuisine and invited a few of her friends along on Saturday afternoon so they could all enjoy some dosa, idli, vada, sambhar, and even rasam. Halfway through her meal, she felt a pang of homesickness. “I wish I could remember this meal forever”, she thought to herself.

Little did she know, that’s exactly what would happen for the next 18 days.

It all began the morning after, Miss Reddy woke up on Sunday morning and visited the local farmers market. As she picked up various fruit she noticed the bright yellow turmeric tint her fingers and fingernails now had.

“Man that meal was so good”, she thought, “Definitely worth the yellow nails.”

Four days later, as Miss Reddy was giving a presentation at her architecture firm, she noticed her still tinted fingernails. However, this time they were brighter than before and no longer reminded her of the satisfying meal she had had.

Ten days later, while at kickboxing class, Miss Reddy took off her boxing gloves and unwrapped her hand to find that her usually almond colored fingers were still tinted a dull gold color.

“I must be imagining this,” she thought, “There’s no way I can still be stained. I’ve been scrubbing for almost 2 weeks now.”

Miss Reddy feverishly googled methods on removing food stains from her fingers once she reached home. 6 long hours later, she had tried everything from lemon juice bleaches to organic exfoliants – but alas, her jaundice-esque fingers remained.

Eighteen days later, on the brink of insanity, Miss Reddy woke up and decided that a manicure was her last hope. She walked over to the nearest salon and chose a nail color.

“Black.” she murmured under her breath, “It’s the only color powerful enough.”

Adamant, she sat down and looked her nail lady in the eye – no longer ashamed about what had become of her cuticles,  she was solely focused on removing this demon blemish.

Miss Reddy left the salon feeling like a new woman. Her shiny black nail polish had completely hidden the golden carnage present on her nail beds. Looking at her fingers on her cell phone as she texted became enjoyable again, waving to her friends no longer caused anxiety – life was good.

When asked if she’d return to Balaji Express ever again, she responded,

“I’m headed there tonight with some friends. It’s been almost 3 weeks since I’ve had dosa.”

Written by Rani Shah

April 3rd, 2017

Father and Son Celebrate International Women’s Day By Asking Mom What’s For Dinner

Written by Rani Shah

March 8th, 2017

BALTIMORE, MD – March 8th celebrates International Women’s Day, a day of conversation and appreciation surrounding the topics of gender equality, women’s safety, and equal opportunities.

As Mr. Sandeep Amin sat down at the family dining table, he opened up that morning’s edition of the Washington Post and began reading about local events taking place in honor of International Women’s Day.

“See this, always respect women!”, Mr. Amin told his son sitting across the table, “It is always about respecting your mother and sister. Remember that.”

24 year old Harsh Amin silently nodded in agreement as he tweeted, “#HappyInternationalWomensDay

As Mr. Amin and Harsh sat at the table, Mrs. Indu Amin was frantically making roti and stirring daal in the kitchen. She had gotten out of work 30 minutes late that day and knew how Mr. Amin’s temperament got if dinner wasn’t served before 7 p.m.

She placed the plates and the bowls of food on the table – “Finally! I was so hungry. Why has this taken so long for you lately?”, exclaimed Mr. Amin.

Harsh eyed the plates on the table and goes, “Mom – why did you make this daal again? I don’t want it again, just pass me the rice.”

“Where is your sister?”, asked Mrs. Amin, “PAYAL! Come down. Dinner!”

As 18 year old Payal Amin rushed downstairs, Mrs. Amin begins to go off, “Why didn’t you do the dishes yesterday? Look at the sink!”

“I was studying for my AP Exams”, responded Payal as she looked over at her brother Harsh who still lived at home and her father who didn’t know how to iron a shirt or make rice for himself, both quietly eating.

“Dude stop wearing yoga pants all the time – they’re too tight”, remarked Harsh.

Payal sat down at the dinner table as Harsh checked his phone to see how many people had favorited his tweet.

 

 

 

South Asian Family Makes Taco Bell Trip To Urgently Replenish FIRE Sauce

CHICAGO, IL – Last Wednesday night, the Gupta family of Schaumburg, Ill. ventured out at 8:15 pm to their neighborhood Taco Bell. However, it wasn’t the new Naked Chicken Chalupa that they were after. Continue reading “South Asian Family Makes Taco Bell Trip To Urgently Replenish FIRE Sauce”

Man Takes Dil Mil Date To Bar With Sports Playing On Television

Written by Rani Shah

January 7th, 2017

BOSTON, MA – Earlier this week, 25 year old Karthik Patel had successfully set up a day to meet a girl he had been messaging on popular South Asian dating app, Dil Mil.

“Kk see you Friday!” read the text he received from 24 year old Priya Sharma. Mr. Patel suggested that he and Ms. Sharma meet up at a local bar for a drink. He had been there once and the ambiance was ‘chill enough’ for a date.

Upon her arrival, Ms. Sharma realized, to her dismay, that the bar which Mr. Patel had chosen had several televisions all with various ESPN networks being shown.

While talking about how much they ‘love travel’ and how Mr. Patel goes home every weekend to get Indian food from his mom, Ms. Sharma appreciated that he had barely glanced at SportsCenter being shown on the TV behind her. An hour and half later, Ms. Sharma politely left and told Mr. Patel that she had had a “really good time.”

Upon asking Ms. Sharma how she felt about the date she said, “He was cool! Cute and actually really funny. Plus he didn’t talk about how he wants to get an MBA the entire time – better than most dates I’ve been on.”

“She was super chill and smart. I think I’ll ask her to watch the Pat’s game at my friends place next week”, remarked Mr. Patel.