Tag: parody

news, Social

Father and Son Celebrate International Women’s Day By Asking Mom What’s For Dinner

Written by Rani Shah

March 8th, 2017

BALTIMORE, MD – March 8th celebrates International Women’s Day, a day of conversation and appreciation surrounding the topics of gender equality, women’s safety, and equal opportunities.

As Mr. Sandeep Amin sat down at the family dining table, he opened up that morning’s edition of the Washington Post and began reading about local events taking place in honor of International Women’s Day.

“See this, always respect women!”, Mr. Amin told his son sitting across the table, “It is always about respecting your mother and sister. Remember that.”

24 year old Harsh Amin silently nodded in agreement as he tweeted, “#HappyInternationalWomensDay”

As Mr. Amin and Harsh sat at the table, Mrs. Indu Amin was frantically making roti and stirring daal in the kitchen. She had gotten out of work 30 minutes late that day and knew how Mr. Amin’s temperament got if dinner wasn’t served before 7 p.m.

She placed the plates and the bowls of food on the table – “Finally! I was so hungry. Why has this taken so long for you lately?”, exclaimed Mr. Amin.

Harsh eyed the plates on the table and goes, “Mom – why did you make this daal again? I don’t want it again, just pass me the rice.”

“Where is your sister?”, asked Mrs. Amin, “PAYAL! Come down. Dinner!”

As 18 year old Payal Amin rushed downstairs, Mrs. Amin begins to go off, “Why didn’t you do the dishes yesterday? Look at the sink!”

“I was studying for my AP Exams”, responded Payal as she looked over at her brother Harsh who still lived at home and her father who didn’t know how to iron a shirt or make rice for himself, both quietly eating.

“Dude stop wearing yoga pants all the time – they’re too tight”, remarked Harsh.

Payal sat down at the dinner table as Harsh checked his phone to see how many people had favorited his tweet.

 

 

 

Social

School Bullies Realize Nerdy Brown Kid Is Related To Local Dentist, Doctor, and Parents’ Accountant

Written by Rani Shah

February 27th, 2017

KANSAS CITY, MO – Every day after his last class, Sanjay Chowdary would reluctantly make his way to his locker where he knew the 3 meanest bullies in the 8th grade were awaiting him. Repeatedly being called ‘Osama bin Laden’, ‘7-11’, and ‘Curry Scented Bitch’, Sanjay had become an expert at holding back tears and channeling his anger into tennis practice after school.

After running out of every unoriginal insult they could think of, Zach Parker, Madison Gibson, and Chris Evans (otherwise known as the ‘The Drop Top Trio’ a.k.a the whitest group name they could have possibly come up with) finally left Sanjay alone for the day.

That weekend, Zach Parker’s parents drove him to his dentist’s office – Dr. Priyanka Chowdary, DDS. While in the waiting room, Zach received a group text from Madison reading, “d00d. I’m at the doctor’s office and her name is Dr. Anju Chowdary, MD. LOL the same last as that loser Sanjay!”

Zach smiled at his phone and replied, “lmfao, my dentist has the same last name tooooo!”

Their friend Chris replied within moments, “You’re kidding me. My parents dragged me to their accountant’s office and his name is, no joke, Abhijeet Chowdary, CPA.”

“OMG what if they’re all rel8ed”, texted back Zach jokingly, “I dare u guys to ask them if they know Sanjay!”

“done lol”, texted Madison and Chris.

After snickering to themselves, each member of ‘The Drop Top Trio’ eventually saw it.

The framed family portrait sitting in each of their respective waiting rooms – with none other than Sanjay Chowdary smiling out in between his MD mom, DDS sister, and CPA dad.

The following Monday, Sanjay cautiously walked to his locker after class and was greeted by…absolutely no one.

politics, Social

Indian Fuckboi Association Endorsed by President Donald Trump

WASHINGTON D.C – The Trump administration has recently met with controversy after their apparent support and endorsement of the Indian Fuckboi Association (IFA). Fuss Class reporters discovered close to $50 thousand dollars in donations that IFA accepted from the Trump administration over the last month. Continue reading “Indian Fuckboi Association Endorsed by President Donald Trump” →

Social

Family Fast Forwards Through Bollywood Kiss Scene; Enjoys Item Girl Song

DES MOINES, IA – This Valentines Day, the Patel family decided to pass the evening with a family movie night after dinner. As usual, they sat in their basement home theater and popped in the latest Bollywood Blockbuster that their family friend, Preeti aunty, described as, “very different and good. A must watch!” Continue reading “Family Fast Forwards Through Bollywood Kiss Scene; Enjoys Item Girl Song” →

news, Social

South Asian Family Makes Taco Bell Trip To Urgently Replenish FIRE Sauce

CHICAGO, IL – Last Wednesday night, the Gupta family of Schaumburg, Ill. ventured out at 8:15 pm to their neighborhood Taco Bell. However, it wasn’t the new Naked Chicken Chalupa that they were after. Continue reading “South Asian Family Makes Taco Bell Trip To Urgently Replenish FIRE Sauce” →

news, Social

Boy, Age 5, Disappoints Parents

PASADENA, CA – As 5-year-old Rohit Roy plays with his friends on the playground, his parents Jyoti and Dilip Roy watch in dismay.

Rohit, an extraordinarily gifted boy, was recently invited to compete in The State of California Spelling Championship – the winners of which are invited to The Scripps National Spelling Bee. After conquering words such as ‘prestidigitation’ and ‘mononuclidic’ he finished 3rd overall.

“He couldn’t win the state spelling bee,” says Mrs. Roy dejectedly. “Our eldest son, Ramesh, was able to win Scripps three years ago!” exclaims Mr. Roy, “I don’t know how Rohit will be competitive for MIT now with this setback.”

When FCN asked about his thoughts on the whole spelling bee experience, Rohit simply said, “I like trucks,” and swung away on the monkey bars.

Written by Rohan Shah

February 3rd, 2017
news

Local Aunties Arrested Over Alleged Assault Following Gift Exchange

Written by Akshay Patel

February 3rd, 2017

BARRINGTON, IL – Two aunties in their mid-forties were arrested and both charged with assault (and one with attempted robbery) after a dispute last weekend.  

The incident occurred after a relatively uneventful family gathering.

“I was shoveling my driveway when my neighbor began fighting with one of her guests and tried to steal her purse”, said John Sherman, a perplexed bystander who initially called 911. “I was very confused, as my neighbor seems to be doing well financially and is normally very calm.”

Fuss Class News contacted one of the Barrington aunties involved in the altercation. “That bloody woman always gives too much money to my son every holiday so I gave it back to her…but then I saw her slipping it into his pocket a few minutes later,” the auntie stated. “I don’t know if it was the extra masala in my chai that morning, but I wasn’t having it and we got a little carried when I tried to put the money into her purse after she repeatedly refused to take it back.”

Barrington police issued a statement shortly after the charges were dropped: “In regards to the incident in question, charges have been dropped by both parties. The arrest seems to be our misinterpretation of a cultural norm. An apology has been issued, and our department has hired a cultural consultant from a local Mandir to ensure our training is up to date.”

 

beauty, Social

Local Eyebrow Lady Destroys Self-Esteem By Always Asking, “Upper Lip?”

AURORA, IL – Earlier this week, 23-year-old Sara Khan arrived at Zeenat Salon to get her eyebrows threaded. It had been 3 weeks since her last threading and her selfies were no longer packing the punch they usually did. Continue reading “Local Eyebrow Lady Destroys Self-Esteem By Always Asking, “Upper Lip?”” →

Social

Chinese Student Questions Ethnicity Based On Report Card Results

Written by Joseph Z Chen

January 26th, 2017

SAN JOSE, CA – “I don’t understand. I didn’t think this was possible”, remarked Jason Wong as he opened his report card.

When Mr. Wong saw the big “A-” next to his high school Calculus II course, he was at a loss for words. After he overcame his initial shock, his mind raced with possible explanations. The final conclusion? He had to be adopted.

“I mean, everyone jokes about how Asian kids are good at math, but this is one stereotype that is actually supposed to be true!”, said Mr. Wong, “I think my parents have been lying to me this whole time. I must not be Chinese at all.”

Mr. Wong points to further evidence, claiming that despite studying the piano for 10+ years, he has yet to place in any national piano competitions. Allegedly, he also likes eating beans.

When Jason confronted his parents, Wei and Alice Wong, they were equally perplexed.

“I labored for 42 hours, 18 minutes, and 32 seconds. I think I would have remembered if he was adopted. He must have been switched at birth. That’s the only explanation.”, exclaimed Mrs. Wong.

Jason always wanted to become a doctor or lawyer but he’s no longer so certain. With his identity shaken to its core, this high school student doesn’t even know if he wants to attend grad school anymore.

“I just don’t know who I am. If I’m not good at math, who am I?”

business, news, politics

White Saree Demand Skyrockets As South Asians Mourn America’s Future

Written by Rani Shah

January 23rd, 2017

WASHINGTON D.C – The recent presidential inauguration of Donald Trump has spurred on an unconventional trend within the textile industry. White saree’s, commonly worn in the South Asian community during funerals and mourning periods, have seen a marked increase in demand since Friday’s presidential inauguration.

The last time white saree sales saw an increase was in the 1950’s due to deaths brought on by polio.

graph-trump

(Graph provided by our Fuss Class analyst, Utsav Shah)

“It’s uncanny, the demand has nearly surpassed supply.”, remarks Professor Neha Singh, “The level to which factory workers are making fabric might force Indian manufacturers to import from China.”

Fuss Class News reached out to the Trump Administration for further comment but did not receive a reply due to their fear of brown people and their lack of understanding surrounding basic communication skills.