Tag: culture

Sar-He™ Surpasses RompHim™ Sales This Holiday Season

MUMBAI, INDIA – With the recent success of the bold, new RompHim™ for men in the United States, boys and men nationwide have scrambled to get their hands on this novelty fashion piece. Continue reading “Sar-He™ Surpasses RompHim™ Sales This Holiday Season”

Studies Show White People Will Never Be Able To Stop Talking About How Colorful Indian Weddings Are.

Written by Rani Shah

October 16th, 2017

 

NEW YORK CITY, NY – As wedding season comes to a close, Brians and Madisons everywhere are floored by the spectacle that is a traditional Indian wedding.

NYU’s Anthropology Dean, Smita Rao, explains this phenomenon, “In the early 90’s we definitely saw a surge of White Americans attending South Asian weddings. Now with the prevalence of social media and the Bollywood dance craze exposing more of Indian culture, it’s like white people have never seen colors in their life before.”

While 4-5 days of wedding events and guest lists averaging at 400 guests/event at South Asian weddings is staggering in itself, researchers claim that merely seeing a man with glitter on his outfit will get white people going for months.

“I’ve never seen anything like it. The colors. I mean everyone was wearing a different color. I saw pink. I saw blue. I saw parrot green. I didn’t even know these existed.” raved Brian Applebaum, “I was medically diagnosed as colorblind before attending Aakash’s wedding to be quite honest.”

“I wear a tan cardigan to work every day,” added Madison Applebaum, “After Aakash’s color bender I’m considering wearing something exotic instead – perhaps a polka dotted cardigan.”

[ReadWhite Man Tries To Relate To South Asian Coworker By Mentioning Chicken Tikka Masala]

Girl Enters Temple on Her Period; Nothing Happens.

 

Written By Rani Shah

October 15th, 2017

 

CHICAGO, IL – “Visiting friends, enjoying the food served by the temple, and having the chance to meditate” are just a few reasons the Mehta’s cite as to what they look forward to every Diwali season at their Chicago temple.

Last Friday, as 23-year-old Sunny Mehta popped Midol and laid on the couch with a heating pad on her groin – her mother, 51-year-old Shilpa Mehta, texted Sunny asking what time she’ll be at the temple that evening.

Sunny promptly texted back, “Hi mom, be there by 7:30.”

“Ok great…..make sure you’re not on your periods. lol.” responds Mrs. Mehta.

“Why? What happens?” texted Sunny.

“Stop it.” responds Mrs. Mehta.

With a craving for temple food and no satisfactory answer as to why she can’t enter the temple while on her period, Sunny Mehta put on some comfy leggings plus kurta and headed out.

Upon arrival to the temple, Sunny prepared for the worst.

She looked out for lightning strikes that were likely willed to her by God’s wrath. She kept her distance from the giant temple chandeliers lest one crash down upon her.

She even avoided cracks – in case they broke her mother’s back.

After praying and saying hi to some friends, Sunny safely arrived at the temple food hall where she saw her parents.

“Aren’t you on your periods?” whispered Mrs. Mehta to Sunny.

Sunny responds, “Yea. I will be next month too for that puja we’re attending. See you then.”

 

Father and Son Celebrate International Women’s Day By Asking Mom What’s For Dinner

Written by Rani Shah

March 8th, 2017

BALTIMORE, MD – March 8th celebrates International Women’s Day, a day of conversation and appreciation surrounding the topics of gender equality, women’s safety, and equal opportunities.

As Mr. Sandeep Amin sat down at the family dining table, he opened up that morning’s edition of the Washington Post and began reading about local events taking place in honor of International Women’s Day.

“See this, always respect women!”, Mr. Amin told his son sitting across the table, “It is always about respecting your mother and sister. Remember that.”

24 year old Harsh Amin silently nodded in agreement as he tweeted, “#HappyInternationalWomensDay

As Mr. Amin and Harsh sat at the table, Mrs. Indu Amin was frantically making roti and stirring daal in the kitchen. She had gotten out of work 30 minutes late that day and knew how Mr. Amin’s temperament got if dinner wasn’t served before 7 p.m.

She placed the plates and the bowls of food on the table – “Finally! I was so hungry. Why has this taken so long for you lately?”, exclaimed Mr. Amin.

Harsh eyed the plates on the table and goes, “Mom – why did you make this daal again? I don’t want it again, just pass me the rice.”

“Where is your sister?”, asked Mrs. Amin, “PAYAL! Come down. Dinner!”

As 18 year old Payal Amin rushed downstairs, Mrs. Amin begins to go off, “Why didn’t you do the dishes yesterday? Look at the sink!”

“I was studying for my AP Exams”, responded Payal as she looked over at her brother Harsh who still lived at home and her father who didn’t know how to iron a shirt or make rice for himself, both quietly eating.

“Dude stop wearing yoga pants all the time – they’re too tight”, remarked Harsh.

Payal sat down at the dinner table as Harsh checked his phone to see how many people had favorited his tweet.

 

 

 

School Bullies Realize Nerdy Brown Kid Is Related To Local Dentist, Doctor, and Parents’ Accountant

Written by Rani Shah

February 27th, 2017

KANSAS CITY, MO – Every day after his last class, Sanjay Chowdary would reluctantly make his way to his locker where he knew the 3 meanest bullies in the 8th grade were awaiting him. Repeatedly being called ‘Osama bin Laden’, ‘7-11’, and ‘Curry Scented Bitch’, Sanjay had become an expert at holding back tears and channeling his anger into tennis practice after school.

After running out of every unoriginal insult they could think of, Zach Parker, Madison Gibson, and Chris Evans (otherwise known as the ‘The Drop Top Trio’ a.k.a the whitest group name they could have possibly come up with) finally left Sanjay alone for the day.

That weekend, Zach Parker’s parents drove him to his dentist’s office – Dr. Priyanka Chowdary, DDS. While in the waiting room, Zach received a group text from Madison reading, “d00d. I’m at the doctor’s office and her name is Dr. Anju Chowdary, MD. LOL the same last as that loser Sanjay!”

Zach smiled at his phone and replied, “lmfao, my dentist has the same last name tooooo!”

Their friend Chris replied within moments, “You’re kidding me. My parents dragged me to their accountant’s office and his name is, no joke, Abhijeet Chowdary, CPA.”

“OMG what if they’re all rel8ed”, texted back Zach jokingly, “I dare u guys to ask them if they know Sanjay!”

“done lol”, texted Madison and Chris.

After snickering to themselves, each member of ‘The Drop Top Trio’ eventually saw it.

The framed family portrait sitting in each of their respective waiting rooms – with none other than Sanjay Chowdary smiling out in between his MD mom, DDS sister, and CPA dad.

The following Monday, Sanjay cautiously walked to his locker after class and was greeted by…absolutely no one.

Family Fast Forwards Through Bollywood Love Scene; Not Raunchy Item Girl Song

Written by Rani Shah

February 14th, 2017

DES MOINES, IA – This Valentines Day, the Patel family decided to pass the evening with a family movie night after dinner. As usual, they sat in their basement home theater and popped in the latest Bollywood Blockbuster that their family friend, Preeti aunty, described as, “very different and good. A must watch!”

Forty five minutes into the film, the hero had already been disowned by his family for falling in love with a girl below his social status. The hero’s distress led him to a small bar in an Indian village where a woman wearing nothing but a short skirt and a bikini top starts to dance and gyrate on the old men visiting the bar.

“Wow. She has lost so much weight!”, remarked Shilpa Patel, as the dancing woman in the bar began to sing and strip.

After the item girl song was over, the hero of the movie ends up taking a walk with his love interest – who his family did not approve of. Once he gave his heartfelt 20 minute long speech about how much he loves her, he leans in for a kiss.

“AY REMOTE!”, yelled Shilpa Patel at that very moment. As she fumbled to find the fast forward button in the dark, her two kids aged 19 and 25, squirmed in their seat while trying to avoid eye contact with both their parents.

Boy, Age 5, Disappoints Parents

PASADENA, CA – As 5-year-old Rohit Roy plays with his friends on the playground, his parents Jyoti and Dilip Roy watch in dismay.

Rohit, an extraordinarily gifted boy, was recently invited to compete in The State of California Spelling Championship – the winners of which are invited to The Scripps National Spelling Bee. After conquering words such as ‘prestidigitation’ and ‘mononuclidic’ he finished 3rd overall.

“He couldn’t win the state spelling bee,” says Mrs. Roy dejectedly. “Our eldest son, Ramesh, was able to win Scripps three years ago!” exclaims Mr. Roy, “I don’t know how Rohit will be competitive for MIT now with this setback.”

When FCN asked about his thoughts on the whole spelling bee experience, Rohit simply said, “I like trucks,” and swung away on the monkey bars.

Written by Rohan Shah

February 3rd, 2017