Tag: white

family, music, Science

Studies Show White People Will Never Be Able To Stop Talking About How Colorful Indian Weddings Are.

Written by Rani Shah

October 16th, 2017

 

NEW YORK CITY, NY – As wedding season comes to a close, Brians and Madisons everywhere are floored by the spectacle that is a traditional Indian wedding.

NYU’s Anthropology Dean, Smita Rao, explains this phenomenon, “In the early 90’s we definitely saw a surge of White Americans attending South Asian weddings. Now with the prevalence of social media and the Bollywood dance craze exposing more of Indian culture, it’s like white people have never seen colors in their life before.”

While 4-5 days of wedding events and guest lists averaging at 400 guests/event at South Asian weddings is staggering in itself, researchers claim that merely seeing a man with glitter on his outfit will get white people going for months.

“I’ve never seen anything like it. The colors. I mean everyone was wearing a different color. I saw pink. I saw blue. I saw parrot green. I didn’t even know these existed.” raved Brian Applebaum, “I was medically diagnosed as colorblind before attending Aakash’s wedding to be quite honest.”

“I wear a tan cardigan to work every day,” added Madison Applebaum, “After Aakash’s color bender I’m considering wearing something exotic instead – perhaps a polka dotted cardigan.”

[Read: White Man Tries To Relate To South Asian Coworker By Mentioning Chicken Tikka Masala]

business, Uncategorized

India Officially Renamed ‘Bollywood Land’ By White Marketing Execs

[Originally published on Brown Girl Magazine]

LONDON, UK – British retailer, ASOS, recently came under fire for selling an obvious tikka as a ‘Chandelier Hair Clip’ on their website. Continue reading “India Officially Renamed ‘Bollywood Land’ By White Marketing Execs” →

news, politics

Trump Frustrated By PM Narendra Modi’s ‘Complicated Name’; Decides To Call Him ‘Ned’

Written by Rani Shah

January 29th, 2017

WASHINGTON D.C – With recent developments surrounding questionable immigration and refugee policy, President Trump has begun communicating with world leaders on a more regular basis.

The Prime Minister of India, Narendra Modi, is one such leader who has been in touch with Trump. Upon meeting, the Prime Minister had no issue pronouncing ‘Donald Trump’ – as Donald Duck is a favorite of Modi.

President Trump, however, has had multiple issues pronouncing the Prime Minister’s name. While it is only 3 syllables, Trump’s obvious speech and developmental disabilities has prevented him from properly pronouncing ‘Narendra’.

Even though small children in India can easily pronounce the Prime Minister’s name, President Trump did the usual and decided that “The White way is the right way” and now calls the Prime Minister ‘Ned’.

When asked, President Trump had the following to say, “Ned’s a great guy lemme tell ya – real champion and total inspiration for the Pakistani people….oh he’s not the PM of Pakistan? Wait he’s brown though, aren’t they all the same?”