CHICAGO, IL – As the marriage ceremonies of Anand and Heta Sharma took place this last weekend, families and friends prepared for a speech and dance-filled wedding reception.

Among the fervor, Abhi Sathia, from the groom’s side was prepping in his hotel room for his wedding speech.

“I’ve known Anand since we were young, giving a speech at his wedding is somewhat of a dream come true,” said Sathia excitedly, “I’m not married yet, being a consultant I don’t really have time to date. But I’ve learned a thing or two from seeing so many of my friends getting married.”

After a few hours of prep, Sathia gathered his notecards and arrived at the reception. During cocktail hour he ordered 4 rum & cokes ‘for the table’ and proceeded to down them over the course of 25 minutes.

Prior to sitting down, Sathia made the rounds as the token friend telling the groom’s mom how ‘young’ she looked and smugly asking her if she’s sure she wasn’t ‘the bride this evening.’

As all the guests were finally seated at their tables, the emcee’s of the evening began the reception festivities.

Once the little girl who the couple barely knew finished her dance to ‘Kajra Re‘ and after the bride’s uncle completed his speech which repeated the word ‘auspicious’ 8 times, the emcee’s announced Sathia’s name.

Throwing back a sip of his remaining rum & coke, Sathia grabbed the mic and enthusiastically began,

“I’ve known Anand since we were 7 years old and man, when he met Heta we all knew how special she was to him. Just look at how beautiful they are together. I’ll keep this short and sweet but Anand, I know you and Heta will forever keep each other happy. Oh and remember,” says Sathia smirking slightly, “happy wife is happy life.”

The two tables in the front, which seated aunties and uncles over the age of 60, began hooting and hollering, while the bride and groom fake laughed and applauded. Sathia smiled and sat back down as he texted a video clip of his speech to his mom, “They loved the speech, everyone was cracking up.”

[Read: Studies Show White People Will Never Be Able To Stop Talking About How Colorful Indian Weddings Are.]

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