WASHINGTON DC – Reports are coming in early Wednesday morning that the bindi, also known as “the Red Dot”, on Indian women’s foreheads is actually an activation switch for what is being called Goddess Mode.
Upon activation, the woman unlocks superpowers and as well as an auxiliary set of arms. Lakshmi Kumari, a spokesperson for Indian Women Association (IWA), weighed in. “Every bindi comes with pre-selected features at birth. They are entirely at parents’ discretion but are certainly customizable once the woman is old enough to decide on what skill set best for her. Each of the auxiliary arms comes with its own gadget that corresponds to the selected features.”
Experts have yet to determine how Goddess Mode is activated. Though experiments have refuted the early suspicions of the Red Dot being a button, scientists caution local residents against attempting to activate Goddess Mode by pressing the Red Dot or waving barcode scanners over it.
Dr. Whiteman of the CIA says, “We don’t know how powerful these auxiliary gadgets are. So far they are all harmless and quite useful. The most common gadgets we’ve seen are library cards or stethoscopes or violins, but you know, we can’t rule out the possibility that more powerful or dangerous objects can appear. In ancient Indian iconography, the goddesses are usually holding swords. Or sometimes flowers.”
When asked about the most dangerous object his team encountered from Goddess Mode, Dr. Whiteman said, “A tennis racket, though that was from the arm of an Olympic medal-winning tennis player, so it’s likely not a weapon.”
When questioned why Goddess Mode was not revealed to the wider public until 5000 years into the existence of Indian Civilization, Ms. Kumari declined to comment saying, “And that’s all the time we have today”.
She did, however, offer a friendly disclaimer, “The bindis being sold at Coachella or at other musical festivals of any kind do not come with Goddess Mode. They’re just plastic stickers.”