Tag: indian

Social

Man Takes Dil Mil Date To Bar With Sports Playing On Television

Written by Rani Shah

January 7th, 2017

BOSTON, MA – Earlier this week, 25 year old Karthik Patel had successfully set up a day to meet a girl he had been messaging on popular South Asian dating app, Dil Mil.

“Kk see you Friday!” read the text he received from 24 year old Priya Sharma. Mr. Patel suggested that he and Ms. Sharma meet up at a local bar for a drink. He had been there once and the ambiance was ‘chill enough’ for a date.

Upon her arrival, Ms. Sharma realized, to her dismay, that the bar which Mr. Patel had chosen had several televisions all with various ESPN networks being shown.

While talking about how much they ‘love travel’ and how Mr. Patel goes home every weekend to get Indian food from his mom, Ms. Sharma appreciated that he had barely glanced at SportsCenter being shown on the TV behind her. An hour and half later, Ms. Sharma politely left and told Mr. Patel that she had had a “really good time.”

Upon asking Ms. Sharma how she felt about the date she said, “He was cool! Cute and actually really funny. Plus he didn’t talk about how he wants to get an MBA the entire time – better than most dates I’ve been on.”

“She was super chill and smart. I think I’ll ask her to watch the Pat’s game at my friends place next week”, remarked Mr. Patel.

business, news

Indian Meal Kit Service, Namaste Fresh, Aims to Impress In-Laws

Written by Karen Desai

January 7th, 2017

NEW YORK CITY, NY – Launched this year, Namaste Fresh is an ethnic meal-kit service that delivers a box of Indian recipes along with all the pre-packaged masala and ingredients needed to whip up “homemade” South Asian meals (including complex Jain recipes).

“Millennials today are dependent on food delivery and meal kits. But, millennial Indian women are still expected to impress their in-laws by making homemade Indian food from scratch. But, seriously, how am I supposed to do that? ” said 27 year old, Sonia Gupta.

Namaste Fresh has promised to help the new generation of Indian-American consumers like Ms. Gupta and has built its entire service around the tagline “Fake It To Make It With Your In-laws.”

With its largest customer bases in Edison, NJ; Naperville, IL; and Phoenix, AZ, this South Asian food service is in high demand – with usage spiking during the holiday season, otherwise known as the peak season to impress families.

Experts say the popularity of the ethnic meal-kit is due to a combination of on-demand services, an influx of immigrants to the U.S, American Born Confused Desis (ABCDs), and the busy schedules of a new breed of working women.

Social

White Neighbors Shocked At South Asian Family’s Lack of Accent

Written by Rani Shah

January 3rd, 2017

DETROIT, MI – It was a sunny afternoon when the Chowdary family moved into their new home nestled in the Detroit suburbs. Ashwin and Neema Chowdary, along with their 3 young children, decided that a larger home was needed to allow a family of five to have all the space they needed.

Upon moving in, Mr. and Mrs. Chowdary paid their new neighbors a visit along with some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Not only were their neighbors grateful for the kind gesture, they were also taken aback at the Chowdary family’s lack of exotic accent.

“This is like nothing I expected. If Raj from The Big Bang Theory and Apu from The Simpsons has taught me anything it’s what to expect when you actually meet an Indian family”, remarked their neighbor, Craig Thompson. His wife, Sharon Thompson, was equally confused, “They wear jeans and don’t have an accent! I even saw their kids playing football in the backyard. Also, are these cookies going to be spicy?”

When asked, Mrs. Chowdary had this to say, “Both Ashwin and I were born and raised in Chicago. Other than the occasional Ditka impression, what accent were they expecting?”

news, politics

Indian Businessmen Looking To Maintain Tax Incentives Moved By Trump’s Hindi Ad

Written by Utsav Gandhi

December 28th, 2016

JERSEY CITY, NJ – Donald Trump’s attempts to reach across the cultural divide and appeal to the Indian-American community have found resonance with several Indian-American businessmen. In a video ad* that is both parts strange and fully playable on loop, Trump has essentially copied the successful campaign slogan of Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi (a strong favorite among NRI’s) – “Ab ki baar, Trump sarkar” (this time, a Trump government).

Upon request via Twitter, an undisclosed source close to the President-elect has confirmed that Mr. Trump only took seventeen retakes before feeling his diction and accent to be in the range of authentic. The source also hinted that while Mr. Trump has met several Bollywood celebrities and has even offered hospitality at his hotels for the next IIFA Awards (http://www.iifa.com/), he does not fully understand the meaning behind the phrase he is saying.

Lastly, the source asked, seemingly for an informal poll that the President-elect is himself conducting, as to where in New Delhi he could find the best butter chicken, for the next time he is to visit Mr. Modi. Suggestions can be tweeted to @TrumpTransition2017 with the hashtag #MakeButterChickenGreatAgain.

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*The original “Ab ki baar, Trump sarkaar” ad was reported on by the Times of India (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/US-presidential-election-results-Abki-Baar-Trump-Sarkar/videoshow/55330489.cms) and can be viewed (on loop or otherwise) on their website.

news, Social

Teenager Wears Ripped Jeans To Family Party

Written by Rani Shah 

December 28th, 2016

COLUMBUS, OH – As the annual holiday family party approached, 17-year old Reshma Gupta picked out the perfect outfit: A cute top, jeans, and some nice flats.

Having gotten 186 likes on Instagram for making that outfit her #ootd, Ms. Gupta was fairly confident in her look. While getting ready, she opted to switch out her regular skinny jeans for her brand new ‘distressed’ pair inspired by Kylie Jenner with tasteful tears at the knees. While Ms. Gupta’s parents lamented that she will “freeze to death in this weather wearing jeans like that” during the whopping 10 ft. walk from the car to the garage, she stuck to her outfit choice.

Upon arriving to the family party, Ms. Gupta grabbed a Styrofoam plate and while carefully picking out the least soggy samosa she was approached by that annoying kid Mihir’s* mom, Preeti aunty.

“Oh beta, looks like you’ll need to get a job and buy jeans with no holes in them!”, giggled Preeti aunty, “Can you believe people pay to buy damaged clothing?”, she asked a nearby aunty.

Ms. Gupta simply fake smiled and nodded in response to the overdone, non-original comments.

*Mihir was unavailable to comment – he was too busy talking to the uncle’s about what the rankings the universities he got into were and how ‘he’s just waiting on scholarship info’ when everyone knows he’s staying in-state because he still doesn’t know how to do laundry.

 

news

Family Receives Same Bath & Body Works Set They Had Re-Gifted Three Years Prior

Written by Rani Shah

December 25th, 2016

SEATTLE, WA – Early this Christmas morning, Alpa and Rajesh Chatterjee watched as their young children excitedly opened presents in the living room. While the children searched for more presents, Mrs. Chatterjee notices a boxy gift bag towards the back of the tree.

Upon inspection, the present is labelled “To Alpa and Rajesh” with a festive snowman drawn next to their names. Mr. Chatterjee recalls that the only other Indian family on the block had recently dropped the gift bag off.

Mrs. Chatterjee opened the bag and reportedly discovered a Japanese Cherry Blossom gift set from Bath & Body Works – complete with a lotion, bath wash, and that weird body mist spray that nobody ever takes seriously. She also noticed a familiar looking gift tag which had been mostly scratched off the surface of the box.

“We received this same gift set from a neighbor when we moved into this house five years ago, I recognize the faded tag. I re-gifted it to a family friend’s daughter for her 4th birthday three years ago”, recalls Mrs. Chatterjee.

Mr. Chatterjee offered a quick solution, “Let’s just give it to my sister’s kids in India when we visit in February. They love that shit.”

 

Science

Study Shows Indian/Pakistani Drama Soundtracks May Cause Anxiety Disorders

Written by Akshay Patel

December 23rd, 2016

BETHESDA, MD – Ever come home for winter break after a stressful bout of finals awaiting a stress free environment filled with Pani Puri and Bollywood classics only to be greeted by your Dadi (grandmother) watching the most dramatic sounding drama ever produced?

Well, you’re not alone. Recently, researchers at the NIH have discovered a strong correlation between hearing the soundtracks played during dramatic scenes on modern Indian/Pakistani dramas and the manifestation of anxiety disorder among South Asian youth.

“It’s a common problem as these scenes have become very long.” stated Dr. Patel. “Just the other day I saw an episode of Saraswatichandra and the camera panned from Auntie to Dadi to Dada, and back to Auntie – only to continue the cycle repeatedly for two minutes.”

Dr. Patel recommends taking preventative measures to reduce the effects. “There are always the options of lowering the volume or changing the channel, but if all else fails do not be afraid to tell your grandparents something drastic in order to catch their attention and eventually turn off the TV – like telling them that you’re dating a white person.”

Social

‘Woke’ College Student Realizes Favorite Bollywood Movies Are Sexist

 Written by Akshay Patel

December 23rd, 2016

maine

GLENBARD, IL – When it comes to our memories of childhood Bollywood movies our impressions are usually similar to the sentiment they conveyed – joyful and hope inspiring.

One Indian college student however, has realized it was all a lie. “How can I appreciate the song and dance when all I can think about is the patriarchy?”, said our student. (She wishes to be kept anonymous, as she worries about attracting negative attention from local aunties.)

“It’s just so shocking to realize how disappointed Beyoncé would be of me”, she lamented. “I think I’m going to have to switch my Bollywood movie nights to Disney nights. Nothing beats Sleeping Beauty or The Little Mermaid.”

 

Science

Scientists Discover Indian Cooking Method Which Leaves No Trace of Smell On Clothing

Written by Rani Shah

December 23rd, 2016

CHICAGO, IL – Scientists at the University of Chicago’s Olfactory Department have discovered an unprecedented method for cooking Indian food earlier this week – one that essentially guarantees no residual smells on clothing after a family dinner.

The cooking technique, commonly called the “The Fan Method”, involves turning the exhaust fan on while cooking a meal – something many families are currently not aware of.

“It’s awesome, my white friends have finally stopped making fun of me on the bus”, says local 4th grader, Raj Shah.

In extreme cases, such as when frying puri or fish, scientists urge homeowners to purchase two exhaust fans and alert their children to donate all their remaining clothing to Goodwill.