Category: Social

Social

Family Relationships Strained While Choreographing Dance For Aunt’s Wedding

Written by Rani Shah

January 12th, 2017

CHICAGO, IL – After creating the 4 minute Bollywood dance mix for their Aunt Shreya’s wedding, the Sharma cousins were finally ready to begin practicing.

During dance practice in the basement on Tuesday evening, a distant aunt visiting from New Jersey noticed how her 8-year old daughter wasn’t included in the cousins wedding dance.

“Why isn’t Reshma in this?”, asked Preeti masi, “Why are you trying to purposely exclude  her?”

The Sharma cousins looked at one another until their oldest cousin said, “We didn’t even know Reshma wanted to be in the dance. Wait…is she even here?” All the cousins suddenly realized that they hadn’t even seen Reshma the last few days.

“This is typical. You guys just like to leave her out of everything! Similar to what all your mom’s did to me as a child”, exclaimed Preeti masi.

As the other adults came downstairs to see what the noise was all about, the Sharma cousins noticed their little cousin Reshma silently mouthing, “Please don’t make me dance” from across the room, under the coffee table, hiding from her mom.

Social

Man Takes Dil Mil Date To Bar With Sports Playing On Television

Written by Rani Shah

January 7th, 2017

BOSTON, MA – Earlier this week, 25 year old Karthik Patel had successfully set up a day to meet a girl he had been messaging on popular South Asian dating app, Dil Mil.

“Kk see you Friday!” read the text he received from 24 year old Priya Sharma. Mr. Patel suggested that he and Ms. Sharma meet up at a local bar for a drink. He had been there once and the ambiance was ‘chill enough’ for a date.

Upon her arrival, Ms. Sharma realized, to her dismay, that the bar which Mr. Patel had chosen had several televisions all with various ESPN networks being shown.

While talking about how much they ‘love travel’ and how Mr. Patel goes home every weekend to get Indian food from his mom, Ms. Sharma appreciated that he had barely glanced at SportsCenter being shown on the TV behind her. An hour and half later, Ms. Sharma politely left and told Mr. Patel that she had had a “really good time.”

Upon asking Ms. Sharma how she felt about the date she said, “He was cool! Cute and actually really funny. Plus he didn’t talk about how he wants to get an MBA the entire time – better than most dates I’ve been on.”

“She was super chill and smart. I think I’ll ask her to watch the Pat’s game at my friends place next week”, remarked Mr. Patel.

Social

White Neighbors Shocked At South Asian Family’s Lack of Accent

Written by Rani Shah

January 3rd, 2017

DETROIT, MI – It was a sunny afternoon when the Chowdary family moved into their new home nestled in the Detroit suburbs. Ashwin and Neema Chowdary, along with their 3 young children, decided that a larger home was needed to allow a family of five to have all the space they needed.

Upon moving in, Mr. and Mrs. Chowdary paid their new neighbors a visit along with some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Not only were their neighbors grateful for the kind gesture, they were also taken aback at the Chowdary family’s lack of exotic accent.

“This is like nothing I expected. If Raj from The Big Bang Theory and Apu from The Simpsons has taught me anything it’s what to expect when you actually meet an Indian family”, remarked their neighbor, Craig Thompson. His wife, Sharon Thompson, was equally confused, “They wear jeans and don’t have an accent! I even saw their kids playing football in the backyard. Also, are these cookies going to be spicy?”

When asked, Mrs. Chowdary had this to say, “Both Ashwin and I were born and raised in Chicago. Other than the occasional Ditka impression, what accent were they expecting?”

Social

International Grad Student Reviews Football and Weather To Prep For Major Job Interview

Written by Utsav Gandhi

January 3rd, 2017

AUSTIN, TX – Ram Mohan, a student from Varanasi, India, is currently enrolled in graduate school at the University of Texas at Austin. Having completed most of his two-year master’s program in mechanical engineering, he is now gearing up for job interviews for internships and full-time positions. Like other immigrants before him, he hopes to be a step closer towards realizing his and his parents’ dreams.

What he has realized though, is that simply having a strong grasp over his mechanical engineering subject matter expertise is not enough – instead, he has understood that “small-talk” in corporate America regarding weather and American football is crucial to start every conversation.

Manifesting itself in every office elevator ride, in restaurants in conversation with servers, at grocery stores before checking out, at the bus stop while waiting with fellow passengers, Mr. Mohan knows he must possess a working knowledge of the daily and weekly weather forecast as well as the current state of affairs regarding the Longhorns and Spurs if he is to gain any headway and score “brownie points” with interviewers.

Mr. Mohan prepares by fervently updating the Weather Channel and mentally practicing his conversions from Celsius to Fahrenheit, as well as keeping a running loop of SportsCenter on his TV whenever he has nothing else to do.

Social

Woman Grieves Engagement Of The Only Feminist Guy In Her Friend Group

Written by Rani Shah

December 29th, 2016

WALTHAM, MA – While 24 year old Shreya Rahman is in no rush to tie the knot, she can’t help but mourn the loss of her only feminist, brown, guy friend’s single status.

Her friend, 26 year old Chirag Gandhi, got engaged last week – destroying any hope that him and his reportedly ‘basic’ girlfriend are ever breaking up.

According to Ms. Rahman, Mr. Gandhi is the only brown guy she’s met who’s masculinity isn’t threatened by whether his wife makes more money than him, isn’t squeamish about discussing menstrual periods, treats his younger sister like a person – not an overprotected puppy, and actually helps his mom with household chores instead of halfheartedly asking if she needs help and never actually getting up.

Upon asking her girl friends how they felt about Ms. Rahman’s grieving period, they had this to say, “Honestly, Shreya seriously needs to get out more. Most of her guy friends still go home just to eat Indian food and have basically become their fathers. There are more feminist brown dudes out there than she thinks and they’re awesome.”

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Teenager Wears Ripped Jeans To Family Party

Written by Rani Shah 

December 28th, 2016

COLUMBUS, OH – As the annual holiday family party approached, 17-year old Reshma Gupta picked out the perfect outfit: A cute top, jeans, and some nice flats.

Having gotten 186 likes on Instagram for making that outfit her #ootd, Ms. Gupta was fairly confident in her look. While getting ready, she opted to switch out her regular skinny jeans for her brand new ‘distressed’ pair inspired by Kylie Jenner with tasteful tears at the knees. While Ms. Gupta’s parents lamented that she will “freeze to death in this weather wearing jeans like that” during the whopping 10 ft. walk from the car to the garage, she stuck to her outfit choice.

Upon arriving to the family party, Ms. Gupta grabbed a Styrofoam plate and while carefully picking out the least soggy samosa she was approached by that annoying kid Mihir’s* mom, Preeti aunty.

“Oh beta, looks like you’ll need to get a job and buy jeans with no holes in them!”, giggled Preeti aunty, “Can you believe people pay to buy damaged clothing?”, she asked a nearby aunty.

Ms. Gupta simply fake smiled and nodded in response to the overdone, non-original comments.

*Mihir was unavailable to comment – he was too busy talking to the uncle’s about what the rankings the universities he got into were and how ‘he’s just waiting on scholarship info’ when everyone knows he’s staying in-state because he still doesn’t know how to do laundry.

 

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‘Woke’ College Student Realizes Favorite Bollywood Movies Are Sexist

 Written by Akshay Patel

December 23rd, 2016

maine

GLENBARD, IL – When it comes to our memories of childhood Bollywood movies our impressions are usually similar to the sentiment they conveyed – joyful and hope inspiring.

One Indian college student however, has realized it was all a lie. “How can I appreciate the song and dance when all I can think about is the patriarchy?”, said our student. (She wishes to be kept anonymous, as she worries about attracting negative attention from local aunties.)

“It’s just so shocking to realize how disappointed Beyoncé would be of me”, she lamented. “I think I’m going to have to switch my Bollywood movie nights to Disney nights. Nothing beats Sleeping Beauty or The Little Mermaid.”