Tag: news

politics

Widespread Speculation About Obama Pulling a “Modi” as Policy Swan Song

Written by Utsav Gandhi

January 12th, 2017

WASHINGTON D.C – As President Barack Obama counts down to his last days in office, the Indian-American community across the nation is engaged in a curious debate. Will President Obama take a cue from his Indian counterpart, Prime Minister Narendra Modi, and de-legitimize (or “de-tender”) $50 and $100 currency notes, overnight and with immediate effect?

Prime Minister Modi gave Indians living in India and abroad until December 31, 2016 to declare their assets and exchange their old currency notes that were no longer valid. This left many Indian-Americans who weren’t planning to travel to India anytime soon in a state of flux.

As opposed to Prime Minister Modi’s intentions, which were to curb corruption and thwart counterfeiters among terrorist organizations, President Obama feels that enacting such legislation right now will be a wonderful opportunity for Mr. Trump to “drain the swamp” right away, a priority the President-elect has been claiming to tackle. The legislation could also allow Trump to prove himself to the almost 3 million voters who placed Hillary Clinton ahead in the popular vote during the presidential election.

One wonders what impact such an action could have on everyday Americans – according to sources, Mr. Trump’s youngest son, Barron, receives multiples of $100 in pocket money on a regular basis.

Trump’s foremost economic advisers, many with former Wall Street ties and corporate experience, declined to comment. Waiting instead for an official word from the President-elect (or, as is more generally known, the daily morning tweet).

 

Social

Family Relationships Strained While Choreographing Dance For Aunt’s Wedding

Written by Rani Shah

January 12th, 2017

CHICAGO, IL – After creating the 4 minute Bollywood dance mix for their Aunt Shreya’s wedding, the Sharma cousins were finally ready to begin practicing.

During dance practice in the basement on Tuesday evening, a distant aunt visiting from New Jersey noticed how her 8-year old daughter wasn’t included in the cousins wedding dance.

“Why isn’t Reshma in this?”, asked Preeti masi, “Why are you trying to purposely exclude  her?”

The Sharma cousins looked at one another until their oldest cousin said, “We didn’t even know Reshma wanted to be in the dance. Wait…is she even here?” All the cousins suddenly realized that they hadn’t even seen Reshma the last few days.

“This is typical. You guys just like to leave her out of everything! Similar to what all your mom’s did to me as a child”, exclaimed Preeti masi.

As the other adults came downstairs to see what the noise was all about, the Sharma cousins noticed their little cousin Reshma silently mouthing, “Please don’t make me dance” from across the room, under the coffee table, hiding from her mom.

Social

Man Takes Dil Mil Date To Bar With Sports Playing On Television

Written by Rani Shah

January 7th, 2017

BOSTON, MA – Earlier this week, 25 year old Karthik Patel had successfully set up a day to meet a girl he had been messaging on popular South Asian dating app, Dil Mil.

“Kk see you Friday!” read the text he received from 24 year old Priya Sharma. Mr. Patel suggested that he and Ms. Sharma meet up at a local bar for a drink. He had been there once and the ambiance was ‘chill enough’ for a date.

Upon her arrival, Ms. Sharma realized, to her dismay, that the bar which Mr. Patel had chosen had several televisions all with various ESPN networks being shown.

While talking about how much they ‘love travel’ and how Mr. Patel goes home every weekend to get Indian food from his mom, Ms. Sharma appreciated that he had barely glanced at SportsCenter being shown on the TV behind her. An hour and half later, Ms. Sharma politely left and told Mr. Patel that she had had a “really good time.”

Upon asking Ms. Sharma how she felt about the date she said, “He was cool! Cute and actually really funny. Plus he didn’t talk about how he wants to get an MBA the entire time – better than most dates I’ve been on.”

“She was super chill and smart. I think I’ll ask her to watch the Pat’s game at my friends place next week”, remarked Mr. Patel.

business, news

Indian Meal Kit Service, Namaste Fresh, Aims to Impress In-Laws

Written by Karen Desai

January 7th, 2017

NEW YORK CITY, NY – Launched this year, Namaste Fresh is an ethnic meal-kit service that delivers a box of Indian recipes along with all the pre-packaged masala and ingredients needed to whip up “homemade” South Asian meals (including complex Jain recipes).

“Millennials today are dependent on food delivery and meal kits. But, millennial Indian women are still expected to impress their in-laws by making homemade Indian food from scratch. But, seriously, how am I supposed to do that? ” said 27 year old, Sonia Gupta.

Namaste Fresh has promised to help the new generation of Indian-American consumers like Ms. Gupta and has built its entire service around the tagline “Fake It To Make It With Your In-laws.”

With its largest customer bases in Edison, NJ; Naperville, IL; and Phoenix, AZ, this South Asian food service is in high demand – with usage spiking during the holiday season, otherwise known as the peak season to impress families.

Experts say the popularity of the ethnic meal-kit is due to a combination of on-demand services, an influx of immigrants to the U.S, American Born Confused Desis (ABCDs), and the busy schedules of a new breed of working women.

Social

White Neighbors Shocked At South Asian Family’s Lack of Accent

Written by Rani Shah

January 3rd, 2017

DETROIT, MI – It was a sunny afternoon when the Chowdary family moved into their new home nestled in the Detroit suburbs. Ashwin and Neema Chowdary, along with their 3 young children, decided that a larger home was needed to allow a family of five to have all the space they needed.

Upon moving in, Mr. and Mrs. Chowdary paid their new neighbors a visit along with some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Not only were their neighbors grateful for the kind gesture, they were also taken aback at the Chowdary family’s lack of exotic accent.

“This is like nothing I expected. If Raj from The Big Bang Theory and Apu from The Simpsons has taught me anything it’s what to expect when you actually meet an Indian family”, remarked their neighbor, Craig Thompson. His wife, Sharon Thompson, was equally confused, “They wear jeans and don’t have an accent! I even saw their kids playing football in the backyard. Also, are these cookies going to be spicy?”

When asked, Mrs. Chowdary had this to say, “Both Ashwin and I were born and raised in Chicago. Other than the occasional Ditka impression, what accent were they expecting?”

Social

International Grad Student Reviews Football and Weather To Prep For Major Job Interview

Written by Utsav Gandhi

January 3rd, 2017

AUSTIN, TX – Ram Mohan, a student from Varanasi, India, is currently enrolled in graduate school at the University of Texas at Austin. Having completed most of his two-year master’s program in mechanical engineering, he is now gearing up for job interviews for internships and full-time positions. Like other immigrants before him, he hopes to be a step closer towards realizing his and his parents’ dreams.

What he has realized though, is that simply having a strong grasp over his mechanical engineering subject matter expertise is not enough – instead, he has understood that “small-talk” in corporate America regarding weather and American football is crucial to start every conversation.

Manifesting itself in every office elevator ride, in restaurants in conversation with servers, at grocery stores before checking out, at the bus stop while waiting with fellow passengers, Mr. Mohan knows he must possess a working knowledge of the daily and weekly weather forecast as well as the current state of affairs regarding the Longhorns and Spurs if he is to gain any headway and score “brownie points” with interviewers.

Mr. Mohan prepares by fervently updating the Weather Channel and mentally practicing his conversions from Celsius to Fahrenheit, as well as keeping a running loop of SportsCenter on his TV whenever he has nothing else to do.

Social

Woman Grieves Engagement Of The Only Feminist Guy In Her Friend Group

Written by Rani Shah

December 29th, 2016

WALTHAM, MA – While 24 year old Shreya Rahman is in no rush to tie the knot, she can’t help but mourn the loss of her only feminist, brown, guy friend’s single status.

Her friend, 26 year old Chirag Gandhi, got engaged last week – destroying any hope that him and his reportedly ‘basic’ girlfriend are ever breaking up.

According to Ms. Rahman, Mr. Gandhi is the only brown guy she’s met who’s masculinity isn’t threatened by whether his wife makes more money than him, isn’t squeamish about discussing menstrual periods, treats his younger sister like a person – not an overprotected puppy, and actually helps his mom with household chores instead of halfheartedly asking if she needs help and never actually getting up.

Upon asking her girl friends how they felt about Ms. Rahman’s grieving period, they had this to say, “Honestly, Shreya seriously needs to get out more. Most of her guy friends still go home just to eat Indian food and have basically become their fathers. There are more feminist brown dudes out there than she thinks and they’re awesome.”

news, politics

Indian Businessmen Looking To Maintain Tax Incentives Moved By Trump’s Hindi Ad

Written by Utsav Gandhi

December 28th, 2016

JERSEY CITY, NJ – Donald Trump’s attempts to reach across the cultural divide and appeal to the Indian-American community have found resonance with several Indian-American businessmen. In a video ad* that is both parts strange and fully playable on loop, Trump has essentially copied the successful campaign slogan of Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi (a strong favorite among NRI’s) – “Ab ki baar, Trump sarkar” (this time, a Trump government).

Upon request via Twitter, an undisclosed source close to the President-elect has confirmed that Mr. Trump only took seventeen retakes before feeling his diction and accent to be in the range of authentic. The source also hinted that while Mr. Trump has met several Bollywood celebrities and has even offered hospitality at his hotels for the next IIFA Awards (http://www.iifa.com/), he does not fully understand the meaning behind the phrase he is saying.

Lastly, the source asked, seemingly for an informal poll that the President-elect is himself conducting, as to where in New Delhi he could find the best butter chicken, for the next time he is to visit Mr. Modi. Suggestions can be tweeted to @TrumpTransition2017 with the hashtag #MakeButterChickenGreatAgain.

—

*The original “Ab ki baar, Trump sarkaar” ad was reported on by the Times of India (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/US-presidential-election-results-Abki-Baar-Trump-Sarkar/videoshow/55330489.cms) and can be viewed (on loop or otherwise) on their website.

news

Family Receives Same Bath & Body Works Set They Had Re-Gifted Three Years Prior

Written by Rani Shah

December 25th, 2016

SEATTLE, WA – Early this Christmas morning, Alpa and Rajesh Chatterjee watched as their young children excitedly opened presents in the living room. While the children searched for more presents, Mrs. Chatterjee notices a boxy gift bag towards the back of the tree.

Upon inspection, the present is labelled “To Alpa and Rajesh” with a festive snowman drawn next to their names. Mr. Chatterjee recalls that the only other Indian family on the block had recently dropped the gift bag off.

Mrs. Chatterjee opened the bag and reportedly discovered a Japanese Cherry Blossom gift set from Bath & Body Works – complete with a lotion, bath wash, and that weird body mist spray that nobody ever takes seriously. She also noticed a familiar looking gift tag which had been mostly scratched off the surface of the box.

“We received this same gift set from a neighbor when we moved into this house five years ago, I recognize the faded tag. I re-gifted it to a family friend’s daughter for her 4th birthday three years ago”, recalls Mrs. Chatterjee.

Mr. Chatterjee offered a quick solution, “Let’s just give it to my sister’s kids in India when we visit in February. They love that shit.”