Tag: parody

news, Social January 23, 2017January 23, 2017

Asian Twins Can’t Convince Strangers That They’re Actually Twins

Written by Joseph Z Chen

January 23rd, 2017

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – “It’s really annoying”, complained Tony Lin.

“We keep telling people we’re identical twins but nobody seems to believe us”, said Andy Lin.

This is a problem that identical twin brothers, Tony and Andy Lin, encounter all the time. Whenever they go to parties together and introduce themselves as twins, people just don’t believe them.

“I mean, I’m not racist, okay? I can tell the difference between two Asian people. They don’t all look alike”, said one partygoer, who insisted on remaining anonymous.

“Look, look, take a look at Tony”, he said while pointing at Andy. “Clearly he has blacker hair and his eyes are a little more narrow.”

As of late, Tony and Andy have stopped mentioning their sibling relationship. However, they continue to find themselves in uncomfortable situations, being mistaken for one another. In fact, Andy once had a heated make-out session with Tony’s girlfriend of 6 months, who also does not believe they are twin brothers.

“She came at me out of nowhere and before I knew it, we were kissing. Rather than awkwardly explaining that I wasn’t Tony, I just rolled with it”, said Andy.

When asked about that incident, Tony replied, “Andy’s cool like that. If she had known, it would only hurt her. She prides herself in being ‘color blind’ and accepting of all cultures.”

There are some upsides, though. The Lin brothers can grab as many free samples as they want at Costco without anyone accusing of them going for seconds.

politics January 12, 2017January 13, 2017

Widespread Speculation About Obama Pulling a “Modi” as Policy Swan Song

Written by Utsav Gandhi

January 12th, 2017

WASHINGTON D.C – As President Barack Obama counts down to his last days in office, the Indian-American community across the nation is engaged in a curious debate. Will President Obama take a cue from his Indian counterpart, Prime Minister Narendra Modi, and de-legitimize (or “de-tender”) $50 and $100 currency notes, overnight and with immediate effect?

Prime Minister Modi gave Indians living in India and abroad until December 31, 2016 to declare their assets and exchange their old currency notes that were no longer valid. This left many Indian-Americans who weren’t planning to travel to India anytime soon in a state of flux.

As opposed to Prime Minister Modi’s intentions, which were to curb corruption and thwart counterfeiters among terrorist organizations, President Obama feels that enacting such legislation right now will be a wonderful opportunity for Mr. Trump to “drain the swamp” right away, a priority the President-elect has been claiming to tackle. The legislation could also allow Trump to prove himself to the almost 3 million voters who placed Hillary Clinton ahead in the popular vote during the presidential election.

One wonders what impact such an action could have on everyday Americans – according to sources, Mr. Trump’s youngest son, Barron, receives multiples of $100 in pocket money on a regular basis.

Trump’s foremost economic advisers, many with former Wall Street ties and corporate experience, declined to comment. Waiting instead for an official word from the President-elect (or, as is more generally known, the daily morning tweet).

Social January 12, 2017January 12, 2017

Family Relationships Strained While Choreographing Dance For Aunt’s Wedding

Written by Rani Shah

January 12th, 2017

CHICAGO, IL – After creating the 4 minute Bollywood dance mix for their Aunt Shreya’s wedding, the Sharma cousins were finally ready to begin practicing.

During dance practice in the basement on Tuesday evening, a distant aunt visiting from New Jersey noticed how her 8-year old daughter wasn’t included in the cousins wedding dance.

“Why isn’t Reshma in this?”, asked Preeti masi, “Why are you trying to purposely exclude her?”

The Sharma cousins looked at one another until their oldest cousin said, “We didn’t even know Reshma wanted to be in the dance. Wait…is she even here?” All the cousins suddenly realized that they hadn’t even seen Reshma the last few days.

“This is typical. You guys just like to leave her out of everything! Similar to what all your mom’s did to me as a child”, exclaimed Preeti masi.

As the other adults came downstairs to see what the noise was all about, the Sharma cousins noticed their little cousin Reshma silently mouthing, “Please don’t make me dance” from across the room, under the coffee table, hiding from her mom.

business, news January 8, 2017January 8, 2017

Indian Meal Kit Service, Namaste Fresh, Aims to Impress In-Laws

Written by Karen Desai

January 7th, 2017

NEW YORK CITY, NY – Launched this year, Namaste Fresh is an ethnic meal-kit service that delivers a box of Indian recipes along with all the pre-packaged masala and ingredients needed to whip up “homemade” South Asian meals (including complex Jain recipes).

“Millennials today are dependent on food delivery and meal kits. But, millennial Indian women are still expected to impress their in-laws by making homemade Indian food from scratch. But, seriously, how am I supposed to do that? ” said 27 year old, Sonia Gupta.

Namaste Fresh has promised to help the new generation of Indian-American consumers like Ms. Gupta and has built its entire service around the tagline “Fake It To Make It With Your In-laws.”

With its largest customer bases in Edison, NJ; Naperville, IL; and Phoenix, AZ, this South Asian food service is in high demand – with usage spiking during the holiday season, otherwise known as the peak season to impress families.

Experts say the popularity of the ethnic meal-kit is due to a combination of on-demand services, an influx of immigrants to the U.S, American Born Confused Desis (ABCDs), and the busy schedules of a new breed of working women.

Social January 3, 2017

White Neighbors Shocked At South Asian Family’s Lack of Accent

Written by Rani Shah

January 3rd, 2017

DETROIT, MI – It was a sunny afternoon when the Chowdary family moved into their new home nestled in the Detroit suburbs. Ashwin and Neema Chowdary, along with their 3 young children, decided that a larger home was needed to allow a family of five to have all the space they needed.

Upon moving in, Mr. and Mrs. Chowdary paid their new neighbors a visit along with some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Not only were their neighbors grateful for the kind gesture, they were also taken aback at the Chowdary family’s lack of exotic accent.

“This is like nothing I expected. If Raj from The Big Bang Theory and Apu from The Simpsons has taught me anything it’s what to expect when you actually meet an Indian family”, remarked their neighbor, Craig Thompson. His wife, Sharon Thompson, was equally confused, “They wear jeans and don’t have an accent! I even saw their kids playing football in the backyard. Also, are these cookies going to be spicy?”

When asked, Mrs. Chowdary had this to say, “Both Ashwin and I were born and raised in Chicago. Other than the occasional Ditka impression, what accent were they expecting?”

Social January 3, 2017January 3, 2017